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Because I was so short, I couldn't see the altar boys at Mass. I though that
the host itself made the little ringing bell noise when the priest held it up.
When I asked my grandmother what happened to the money we put in the collection plate at church, she said it "was for God." I interpreted this literally, but added a childish fantastic twist to the concept, and believed that every so often God would send a flying ship called "The Ship of Zion" (I have no idea why it was called that) to collect the money and take it to heaven. This still struck me as odd, because supposedly heaven's streets were paved with gold...
We were not required to attend school during the three summer months, so I assumed that church worked the same way. All through May and June, I kept wondering which Sunday would be the last before our summer vacation from church services. But graduation day never came.
Once we went to church we were going to give money when they passed around the collection box. I cried and sceamed so bad because I wanted the money my selfe.
I didnt really understand the whole thing of shearing!
in mass, instead of
"...for the good of all this church"
i always thought it was
"...for the good of August church". probably because my birthday was in August. didn't figure this one out until i was probably 10 or so...
My Pop is a preacher. When I was a kid, he preached at the First Baptist Church in Springlake. Imagine my surprise when I saw a First Baptist Church in a totally different town! I had thought that Pop's church was THE FIRST Baptist chuch ever built!
In the consecration during the catholic mass, the priest held up a host to the sound of bells, in front of a gold-plated tabernacle. A short time later, He would hold up a golden cup, again to the sound of bells. later, hosts were distributed to those taking communion from what appeared to be the same cup. I was convinced that God would "count the house" and take parts of the original host, transfer them into the cup so everyone who wanted to could get a host at communion. The bells were the sound of the transfer.
I used to believe that at sunset the world was going to be destroyed by fire. Our pastor was a fire and brimstone type and he had me so cinvinced that Christ was comm\ing any second. I was 16 before I could sit and watch a sunset.
I used to think that when people were immersed in the baptistry at church, the floor under the water would open up and these big metal clamps would grab them and pull them below the floor. Simultaneously, a robot that looked exactly like them would pop up from under the water. Then the robot would take their place in life, but nobody except the pastor knew about this.
When I was maybe 4 years old and attending Sunday School, I thought the teacher was telling us about the JUICE in Israel. I couldn't figure out why the JUICE had anything to do with chosen people
when I was about six I remember asking an Adult what Mary did before she was a statue....
I believed that I was taken to Church each week as punishment for something I'd done during the week, hence I spent a lot of time trying to be really good and ending up having to go to Church anyway, this took me several months to work out. I cried a lot
While at nursery school, aged four, we were all taken to the Church next door for Harvest Festival. The headmistress told us we had to be on our best behaviour because we were in God's house.
I was seriously expecting him to be there, and very disappointed that he wasn't in when we came round.
I used to believe that spiritual grace was actually a physical thing that a person acquired internally.
I went to Catholic school, grades 1-8, and in my very early years, when the nuns talked about "grace" we acquired through the sacraments, I thought that grace was actually something inside of you. In my mind, grace was grey and foamy and fluffy - very light.
I never wondered why I couldn't feel it inside - I just assumed it was there after I did something good, like going to confession. I assumed it would be near my heart and disappear after awhile until I did something else that was good and then the "grace" would re-appear inside.
I used to believe that Jahovahs Witnesses were people who were in the IRA who had seen something happen on the rock of Gibralta.
I used to believe that the Pope was an evil person. I first saw him on TV during some world crisis. I thought that someone who wears that bright of white with all that gold has to be evil. He was also old an had to be escorted (like a boss of some mafia movie). People still haven't proved me wrong...
When I was little I was told in church that the Devil controls the water, so we could never go swimming in our backyard on Sundays. For some reason it was fine the rest of the week!
One of the churches I attended as a boy had a large mirror on the ceiling above where the pastor would preach and sermonize the congregation. I thought the reflection was God watching and giving instructions to the pastor, it really put the fear of God in me because he had one of those "fire and brimstone" styles of preaching. To this day I hate the "fire and brimstone" style of preaching and if I hear it on the radio or the TV I immediately turn it off.
When I was little I belived that everyone in the whole world was catholic.
I asked my father what holy water was. He told me it was the priest's bathwater.