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When I was little, I wanted to be Jewish
I used to believe in God
I remember growing up in church when I was a small child. When the minister would would recite psalms and the congregation would respond, I never realized everyone was reading out of a book because I was too small to see. So, I just assumed everyone around me was an alien.
I was a really skeptical kid so I never really believed in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, but I also thought that the stories in church were silly and made up. I remember being embarrassed when I was about 10 and talking to my parents to find that they really do believe in God even after they admitted there was no Santa Claus. I thought they were just really gullible. No wonder I'm an atheist.
Growing up my mom would take me to church every sunday. Every sunday it was a battle. I was terriffied of church. One day as my mom was fighting to get me into the car she asked why i didn't want to go to church so badly (i had started crying), i told her i was afraid of the bells because I thought they were made by ghosts.
When my friend was 6 she thought 'eating the scroll' actually meant to eat your bible literally. She then proceeded to do so, during the church service.
I used to believe Islam was the first religion in the world.
When I was a kid, I used to believe that "Moron" was a religion, but I believed it was a religion for bad people because the characters in MAD Magazine always used it in a negative way. Later I found out that the religious denomination was called "Mormon", because I asked my friend's mom if she had a lot of kids because they were "Morons". Fortunately she let me stay.
I grew up in the south where a lot of churches used grapejuice instead of wine at communion. They used to pass the "wine" and bread (little cubes of white bread) down the aisle and only grownups were allowed to have any. I thought that these were "refreshments" and I didn't think it was fair that the kids couldn't have some too.
When I was about four, I thought you could only be Christian or Jewish. Jews, I believed, were simply people who didn't believe in God. My mother told me that my father didn't believe in God, so I asked her one day, "is Daddy Jewish?" She was very confused and told me "no, he's an atheist." This was my first exposure to the term.
I thought that all tithe money was put into a small room and God came down and took the money to heaven with him. They always said it was "God's money" then they would take up collection and then walk it out of the main sanctuary. I thought that if I could just hide in that room then I would be able to see God.
My Mother once told me when I was a little kid while we were in Church that it was God's house.
Our church had a back room for the choir and I always thought that was were God lived. I always wondered why He would never come out...
When I was in preschool, I used to believe that the baptism tank in my church was a mini-swimming pool. When we would have to go up and sing at Christmas time, I always wanted to go jump into the mini-swimming pool instead of sing Christmas carols. My mom finally told me that it was a baptism tank, not a swimming pool. It still kinda bums me out to this day, and i'm 18.
I was sad for many years because my aunt once told me I would go to hell for farting in church!
I used to believe that all churches were built by God rather than by people.
Before I learned that the word "brethren" means "brothers", I associated it with the word "breath". I had heard of a church called "Church Of The Brethren" (not a church I had ever attended). I though it must be a church that particularly emphasized the belief that our breath is the spirit of God within us.
when i was younger i used to think there was only one "church of england", like it was one giant magical church. little did i know that there were churches of england all over england.
The first time I entered Church I was probably 3 or 4 yrs old. I remember seeing the large crucifix over the altar and thinking it was Gene Autry on the cross. I think I was getting the "gee" sound mixed up since "Gene" and "Jesus" had similar beginning sounds. I also associated wood (as in the cross) with cowboys.
When I was a little girl, i recall going to my Catholic church. If, you're not familiar with it, before given communion we would shake hands with the people around us and say "Peace be with you". I always thought they were saying "Peace baby Jew" which also made sense since Jesus is Jewish.
When I first heard the 23rd Psalm, with its opening line, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want", I was not previously familiar with the word "want" with no specified direct object. Nor did I understand all types and uses of punctuation. So the only way I could figure to interpret that line was as if it had an implied "whom", so that it would mean "The Lord is my shepherd whom I shall not want." I puzzled long and hard over why a Bible verse would have us saying we shall not want the Lord as a shepherd.