religion: church

When I was a kid, I used to believe that "Moron" was a religion, but I believed it was a religion for bad people because the characters in MAD Magazine always used it in a negative way. Later I found out that the religious denomination was called "Mormon", because I asked my friend's mom if she had a lot of kids because they were "Morons". Fortunately she let me stay.

I grew up in the south where a lot of churches used grapejuice instead of wine at communion. They used to pass the "wine" and bread (little cubes of white bread) down the aisle and only grownups were allowed to have any. I thought that these were "refreshments" and I didn't think it was fair that the kids couldn't have some too.

When I was about four, I thought you could only be Christian or Jewish. Jews, I believed, were simply people who didn't believe in God. My mother told me that my father didn't believe in God, so I asked her one day, "is Daddy Jewish?" She was very confused and told me "no, he's an atheist." This was my first exposure to the term.

I thought that all tithe money was put into a small room and God came down and took the money to heaven with him. They always said it was "God's money" then they would take up collection and then walk it out of the main sanctuary. I thought that if I could just hide in that room then I would be able to see God.

My Mother once told me when I was a little kid while we were in Church that it was God's house.
Our church had a back room for the choir and I always thought that was were God lived. I always wondered why He would never come out...

When I was in preschool, I used to believe that the baptism tank in my church was a mini-swimming pool. When we would have to go up and sing at Christmas time, I always wanted to go jump into the mini-swimming pool instead of sing Christmas carols. My mom finally told me that it was a baptism tank, not a swimming pool. It still kinda bums me out to this day, and i'm 18.

Before I learned that the word "brethren" means "brothers", I associated it with the word "breath". I had heard of a church called "Church Of The Brethren" (not a church I had ever attended). I though it must be a church that particularly emphasized the belief that our breath is the spirit of God within us.

when i was younger i used to think there was only one "church of england", like it was one giant magical church. little did i know that there were churches of england all over england.

The first time I entered Church I was probably 3 or 4 yrs old. I remember seeing the large crucifix over the altar and thinking it was Gene Autry on the cross. I think I was getting the "gee" sound mixed up since "Gene" and "Jesus" had similar beginning sounds. I also associated wood (as in the cross) with cowboys.

When I was a little girl, i recall going to my Catholic church. If, you're not familiar with it, before given communion we would shake hands with the people around us and say "Peace be with you". I always thought they were saying "Peace baby Jew" which also made sense since Jesus is Jewish.

When I first heard the 23rd Psalm, with its opening line, "The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want", I was not previously familiar with the word "want" with no specified direct object. Nor did I understand all types and uses of punctuation. So the only way I could figure to interpret that line was as if it had an implied "whom", so that it would mean "The Lord is my shepherd whom I shall not want." I puzzled long and hard over why a Bible verse would have us saying we shall not want the Lord as a shepherd.

At church, one line in a prayer was “forgive us our sins”, but I thought we were all saying “give us your cents”. And then I would say/think, ‘but that’s all I have! I don’t want to give my cents away!’ lol

When I was young, the woman teaching us in church would tell us to let Jesus into our hearts. I was completely confused by this, wondering how Jesus could come into ALL of our hearts, because he was only one person. Then I came up with the strange idea that he'd place each one of his body parts into our hearts so that he'd be with everyone. As I got older I became more aware of spirituality and figured out I was wrong.

When I was young I went to a Catholic school and the only other type of school I knew of was a public school. One day I asked my cousin, "Are you Catholic?" When she answered "no" I said, "Well then you must be public."

My sister used to believe that nuns didn't have feet, she went to Catholic school and thought the nuns floated along (they wore long black habits then), she was very surprised when a young nun joined a jump rope game and she was her springing off FEET!

i was raised a jehovah's witness and therefore never celebrated holidays. my parents were very vague on their reasoning for this and never really explained it to me that well, so i had the idea that christmas was actually a day that christians worshipped the devil on accident (he tricked them into it). one day i was visiting my cousin and she had a baby doll that i wanted to play with but she wouldnt let me and said it was because she just got it for christmas. i then FLIPPED OUT screaming and crying that she had to throw it away because "satan tricked her and hid a demon in it".