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church

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We were told in catholic grade school that during mass if our backside touched the pew it would be stuck there forever.

Mark Levandowski
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My mom always told told that you couldn't sew anything on Sunday, it was a sin, and if you did when you got to heaven God would make you pick stiches out of your nose.

Peg Dalzell
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At Catholic mass, I used to believe that the priest would make spikes come out of the seats if you didn't stand up on time. He could also make a giant buzz saw cut your head off if you did not kneel.

Tyler G.
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i used to belive that when u were baptized you were sufficated underwater and then brought back to life..... (Reborn)

JJTHE JET PLANE
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The priests in my catholic church rotated duties weekly, I thought they must be interchangeable robots, programmed with a sermon, and hung up on a wall when done. So the only constant person I saw on sundays was the musical director, -who it was clear to me, must be the head of the roman catholic church (the pope being an Orwellian figurehead) and the musical director was also caretaker of the robots.

James Campbell
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As a child, one church I was sometimes taken to was of the denomination called Disciples Of Christ. I learned much later that that denomination is sometimes called "Campbellites" (with varied connotations) after it's founder, Thomas Campbell. My father called it that sometimes, but I thought then he was saying "Camelites". Then one time I went to a Greek festival at a Greek Orthodox Church. Some of us toured the sanctuary, where there were murals, showing, among other things, the three Wise Men riding horses, not camels, as I was more familiar with. The guide told us that that was more historically accurate, that their likely means of transportation at that time would have been horses, not camels. I thought then and there that I'd learned why my more familiar church was sometimes called "Camelite" -- because of a belief not shared with certain other churches, including the Greek Orthodox, that the Wise Men rode camels.

Lucy
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I went to a Catholic school and when the teachers talked about communion they told us it was "the body and blood of Jesus Christ"...I pictured Jesus in heaven (heaven located on the clouds of course) with a cheese grater (the kind that gives u slices of cheese) carving off peices of his skin for us to eat. For the wine i pictured him cutting his arm and bleeding into a cup.... I thought this was true for years...

Ashely
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once i came home from church having learned about Thinking Before Lying. But i was convinced we had learned about Twinkies and Lions.

Mary
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I used to believe Nuns are a third gender, a cross between men and women:)

Anon
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I remember asking for more "wafers" when i was in communion because i loved them. Then i found out that they were Gods "body". I was grossed out and wouldnt take them. My parents had to tell me it wasnt really gods body for me to eat it again

poisen
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The first time I entered Church I was probably 3 or 4 yrs old. I remember seeing the large crucifix over the altar and thinking it was Gene Autry on the cross. I think I was getting the "gee" sound mixed up since "Gene" and "Jesus" had similar beginning sounds. I also associated wood (as in the cross) with cowboys.

Anon
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when i was younger i used to think there was only one "church of england", like it was one giant magical church. little did i know that there were churches of england all over england.

AmyBoox
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I used to believe that there was a killer robot living in the janitor's closet in the basement of the church. My friend and I would find "clues" that fueled the belief, such as footprints and spots on the floor that looked like an oil leak.

Anon.
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Iused to believe the statue of Jesus was really him and our church got mad at him and nailed him up there.

The Fidiot
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I used to believe for some strange reason that the money you gave to the offering at church was flushed down some special toilet that would transport the money to where it was needed!

C.R.
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Up untill I was 14 I thought a Pedestrian was a religion I wondered why people hated Pedestrians so much that they would run them over all the time.

Kate
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When I was little to keep me from going to the bathroom during church sermons my grandmother told me the men who stood in the back had the job of spanking children who tried to go to the bathroom during the preaching. I didn't know they were just ushers and I believed this. One day I almost peed my dress. My grandma told me to go to the bathroom and I burst into tears. I didn't want a spanking! She had to drag me to the bathroom. Guess she realized telling me that wasn't the best thing to do...

Scared Of The Ushers
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I used to think that PEDESTRIAN was a religion

wilsob2700
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I used to believe that God looked like an enormous version of "Woody" from the Toy Story series.

Ryan
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I used to believe that Holy Water was a near-magical and hard to get substance. I thought it felt and looked different from normal water, but I had no idea where it came from. When I finally learned that's it's just regular water that the priest has prayed over, I was kinda disappointed.

Anon
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