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The deadline for signing up to be an altar boy was fast approaching, and I knew my family wanted me to join. My mom found me depressed and crying the night before the deadline. She pressed me for details, and I admitted that I just wasn't sure I wanted to sign my life over to the priesthood yet. Where in the world I got the idea that becoming an altar boy meant I was a priest for life, I have no idea, but mom's reassurances never provided more comfort than on that night.
When I was little, my mother and aunt took me to church for the very first time. I think I was around 5 years old. ANyway, whne we got there I sat paitently with my hand folded across my lap and said repeatedly to my mother " I'm ready to see God now." I then procedded to relentlessley make comments throughout the mass such as " Hey look at the Big T", and " Who's that guy in the God suit"
We were told in catholic grade school that during mass if our backside touched the pew it would be stuck there forever.
My mom always told told that you couldn't sew anything on Sunday, it was a sin, and if you did when you got to heaven God would make you pick stiches out of your nose.
At Catholic mass, I used to believe that the priest would make spikes come out of the seats if you didn't stand up on time. He could also make a giant buzz saw cut your head off if you did not kneel.
i used to belive that when u were baptized you were sufficated underwater and then brought back to life..... (Reborn)
The priests in my catholic church rotated duties weekly, I thought they must be interchangeable robots, programmed with a sermon, and hung up on a wall when done. So the only constant person I saw on sundays was the musical director, -who it was clear to me, must be the head of the roman catholic church (the pope being an Orwellian figurehead) and the musical director was also caretaker of the robots.
I went to a Catholic school and when the teachers talked about communion they told us it was "the body and blood of Jesus Christ"...I pictured Jesus in heaven (heaven located on the clouds of course) with a cheese grater (the kind that gives u slices of cheese) carving off peices of his skin for us to eat. For the wine i pictured him cutting his arm and bleeding into a cup.... I thought this was true for years...
once i came home from church having learned about Thinking Before Lying. But i was convinced we had learned about Twinkies and Lions.
I remember asking for more "wafers" when i was in communion because i loved them. Then i found out that they were Gods "body". I was grossed out and wouldnt take them. My parents had to tell me it wasnt really gods body for me to eat it again
The first time I entered Church I was probably 3 or 4 yrs old. I remember seeing the large crucifix over the altar and thinking it was Gene Autry on the cross. I think I was getting the "gee" sound mixed up since "Gene" and "Jesus" had similar beginning sounds. I also associated wood (as in the cross) with cowboys.
when i was younger i used to think there was only one "church of england", like it was one giant magical church. little did i know that there were churches of england all over england.
I used to believe that God looked like an enormous version of "Woody" from the Toy Story series.
I used to believe that Holy Water was a near-magical and hard to get substance. I thought it felt and looked different from normal water, but I had no idea where it came from. When I finally learned that's it's just regular water that the priest has prayed over, I was kinda disappointed.
I used to believe that there was a killer robot living in the janitor's closet in the basement of the church. My friend and I would find "clues" that fueled the belief, such as footprints and spots on the floor that looked like an oil leak.
Iused to believe the statue of Jesus was really him and our church got mad at him and nailed him up there.
I used to believe for some strange reason that the money you gave to the offering at church was flushed down some special toilet that would transport the money to where it was needed!
Up untill I was 14 I thought a Pedestrian was a religion I wondered why people hated Pedestrians so much that they would run them over all the time.
When I was little to keep me from going to the bathroom during church sermons my grandmother told me the men who stood in the back had the job of spanking children who tried to go to the bathroom during the preaching. I didn't know they were just ushers and I believed this. One day I almost peed my dress. My grandma told me to go to the bathroom and I burst into tears. I didn't want a spanking! She had to drag me to the bathroom. Guess she realized telling me that wasn't the best thing to do...
I used to think that PEDESTRIAN was a religion