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When I was small, I used to believe that behind the altar at church where the priest used to stand was a sweet shop. I became very very jealous and when ever he bent down to kiss the bible, he'd be snaffling sweets from down below. Not surprising when you consider I thought communion was white chocolate buttons and I got really annoyed all my brothers got to have one but I had to wait till I was 8. Huh!
When walking to church on Sunday mormings, I used to believe that the crosswalk sign was placed there exclusively for us "Presbyterians"; not for just any pedestrians.
My primary teacher & my mom used to tell me that the Church house was god's house. So I thought when we were not there God & Jesus were actually there living,ie, eating, walking around, cooking food, & sleeping. I used to wonder where thier beds were.
As a child I went to a prodestant church, but I used to tell people that I was a pedestrian.
When I was little and we'd go to mass, I would think that the confesssionals (we were Catholic) were the gateways to hell, and that if you were really bad, the priest would open another door on the other side, and you'd be in hell.
growing up in the catholic church, the altar boy, who happened to be my brother who when the priest wasn't watching would try and do a full circle with the burning incense. and being a younger little sister i was really jelouse because i thought God liked him better and would want him to be in heavan more that me because he could crazy do party tricks like that.
As a small Catholic child attending Benediction I used to believe that during the ceremony they were burning INSECTS (i.e.incense) and wondered why insects would smell so bad when burned.
As a child in the early '80s, I honestly thought that Episcopalians founded their faith around Joe Piscopo. I also thought he was their church leader.
When I was 5 or 6, I recall being taught in church about the dangers of drinking and how no one should drink. Nobody ever mentioned "alcohol", though, so I thought everyone was a sinner for needing to drink water.
I thought they gave out communion to help the people sing better. I think it was because my mother always complained about the songs.
Growing up Catholic, all of the churches had confessional boxes along the walls.
I used to think that the priests changed in them before Mass; if the light was on, that meant "Do Not Enter, Priest is Changing"
I used to beleive that a catacism(spelling?) was an extremely painful Christian version of a bris.
I went to church when I was younger and there were two men who helped run the service. I thought the 'priest''s name was Rever, and the other mans name was Tim.
My dad then corrected me by telling me that the other man's name was actually John; and our 'priest' was actually called Reverend Tim.
I thought the -end in Reverend was an 'And' haha!
At my old church, there was a cross behind where the preist stood that had Jesus on it. One day, my mom, dad, and brother were going to be baptized (I wasn't because I had an ear infection). Well, we were standing there, and my Grandpa was next to me. I asked how they did it, and he said they took Jesus off the cross, and nailed people to it. Then, they lowered it into the water. From the on, I was afraid to watch when people were baptized, so I beleived him until i was about 11.
I used to think that the only reason we went to church on Sunday mornings was for food -- I assumed Church was a restaurant! Whoopsies!
I asked someone what the silver fish logo on the backs of cars meant when I was about 10, I was told it meant the owners were in the British Angling association. I beleived this till I was about 25...
I remember I got told in church that were all part of God's family. I spent years believing my best friends and the other kids at school were really my brothers and sisters.
When I was younger, I could never say the word 'Protestant' (don't know why) so one day after service, my mom took me to meet the pastor. He talked with my mom then leaned down and asked me: 'Nice to see such a young Christian!' of course, me being such a big shot, didn't want to be known as 'another young christian'. I was special! I puffed out my cheeks and said: 'I'm not a Christian! I'm a Prostitute!' My mom quickly said: 'She means Protestant'. To this day, the pastor teases me about it.
In my home town there is a church called Our Lady Of Assumption Catholic Church. As a child I clearly remember struggling to try to figure out the meaning of that name. Back then I was in an early stage of grappling with learning the English language, in which big words differing only by a prefix all ran together. Then, if I could speak of someone living in a "compartment house", of shopping at an "appartment store", or of items kept in one's car's "glove department", I could have counted myself lucky to come that close to getting it right, and to be basically understood, albeit with some chuckles. As for "assumption", that pretty much ran together with "consumption" for me, and the main meaning I'd heard of for "consumption" back then was tuberculosis. So I got the idea that that church was named for some unfortunate woman with tuberculosis. To this very day, thinking of that church reminds me of that poor tuberculosis victim and I have to catch myself and correct my perception. I guess I'm lucky that my first encounter with the word "comsumption" (while it would still run together with "assumption") was not in regard to consumption of alcoholic beverages. If it had been that, I might be fighting off to this day a perception that that church's namesake were a woman anywhere from a bit tipsy to out and out drunk!
When I was not yet tall enough to see over the people in front of me at church, I used to believe that it was God actually giving mass into a loudspeaker. When I eventually grew taller, I thought our preist was God's substitue, because he had to be at other churches on Sunday.