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church

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I went to a preschool at a church and all of the adults kept referring to the church as being "the house of the lord". I assumed it was literally the house of god and started looking for him everywhere in the church. After many days and no sightings I deduced that the lord must be living a very reclusive life in one of the portable building behind the church. I spent most days at recess peeking into these buildings and even had other friends help me look for the lord in a trailer. I never found him :-(

Amanda
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When I was young, I used to think that Presbyterians and Pedestrians were the same thing. When my mom would drive by the hospital in our town, there was a sign that said "Pedestrian crossing" and I always wondered why they got a special crossing.

Amy
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When I was younger, my mother told me that church was "the house of god." For the longest time, whenever I went to church I would wonder where god was and why his house was so weird - it didnt have any bedrooms or anything.

Bernie
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For 2 years we thought my now 7-year-old niece was afraid rp be baptized because she'd been told a priest would pour water on her head. Today we learned the real reason. She thought that being baptized meant you died. My father-in-law told her being baptized meant you got to go to heaven- she thought he meant immediately.

Summer's aunt
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when i was little, I used to think that after church, that people would take the offering plates full of money outside and hold it up and all the money would fly to heaven and God.

lizbou
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At the end of church service our pastor always said, "Go in peace, serve the lord." To which the congregation would reply in unison, "Thanks be to god."

I always thought it was because we were all glad it was over.

A. Mike
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As I child my mom would always take my to the catholic church to a confession booth so that god can forgive my sins. At one point of the confession the priest puts his hand before the person confessing and I always wondered why.

When I got out of the booth I asked my older brother why and he thought It would be funny to say, "You are suppose to high five him!"

So for many years I believed that I was suppose to high five the priest. I'm 17 now and I just realized I wasn't suppose to..

Anon
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I used to think that when people were immersed in the baptistry at church, the floor under the water would open up and these big metal clamps would grab them and pull them below the floor. Simultaneously, a robot that looked exactly like them would pop up from under the water. Then the robot would take their place in life, but nobody except the pastor knew about this.

Anon
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At church, after (or maybe before??) everyone had taken their communion and you'ld turn to people around you skaing their hands saying 'Peace be with you', I misunderstood....as a child I used to shake people's hands and say 'pleased to meet you'. Thing is, my parents would encourage me to do it more for comedy value, and i didnt understand for ages what was so funny.

Katy
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When I had to make my first communion I was scared because they say the body of christ, and i thought it was his real body, i thought it was thin slices of his arms and legs, and i hoped they would run out before i made my communion so i would not have to eat jesus.

mimi
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when i was little my friend told me that when you get baptized, they kept you underwater until you caught a fish in your mouth. and i believed him, it took me a long time to figure out that was wrong

Anon
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I thought that a mosque (a muslim church) was a place where mosquitoes live.

Anon
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When I was little, my grandma sang at Sunday mass, so we always sat up front to watch her. At the front was a huge crucifix with a bloody Jesus hanging on it that I thought was really bleeding. I would bring band-aids to church every Sunday for Jesus and leave them on the pew when we left. It took me a long time to figure out why he never used them.

Katchoo
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I think I was about eight when I was first introduced to the creation/evolution debate, and I remember thinking it was -obvious- that the right answer was a cross between the two: that God set off the big bang and oversaw the process of evolution like a quality-assurance person in a factory that made planets. Sort of a biblical Slarty Bartfast ("Hitchiker's Guide To the Galaxy").

Nan
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i thought that at church when people said "peace be with you" they were saying "cheese be with you," and i thought "hosanna on high" was "lasagna on high."

Caitlin
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When I was 5, I attended a Catholic Shcool in NYC. Back then, the nuns wore long black habits. They seemed to glide around the classroom and you could never see their feet. So, I believed God had given the nuns wheels instead of feet.

Diane
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When I was about 5, we were in church and the priest was talking about the "lamb of God" I recall laughing that God had a lamb...during the mass, I then realized I had a double-jointed thumb....I was terrified to tell anyone about my distorted thumb, thinking it was God punishing me, for laughing at the lamb.

D
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I was raised Catholic. I went to church and knew that, because i believed in Christ, i was called a Christian.

I used to think that the Jews were the people who believed in Judas. I actually thought that until i was about 12.

Eloy
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I was raised in the Catholic church, and during mass the priest would say a blessing, and make gestures over the sacremental bread and wine (turning it into the body and blood of Christ).

I believed that since he could do this, he had magical powers (like Gandalf or Merlin) and I wanted those same powers as well, so I would imitate everything he did during mass in hopes that I would also become magical.

This of course horrified my parents, who thought I was being blasphemous!

Since I could no longer follow in unison with the priest at church, I used to secretly practice at home with Kool Aid and potato chips.

Molly
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As a child i was dragged to the local church of england church, down the road. Not being particularly religous or anything like that when my parents bowed their heads to pray before the vicer went the speak, i thought the back of the pew they were leaning their heads on was a communication device like a phone and tey were chatting the dead relatives. As i didnt know anyone dead i used to try and talk to the ladybirds ide crushed on the way down.

Now i dont go to chusrch any more, those ladybirds probably miss me.

Jimbo, england
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