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When I was a kid, I was watching an episode of Starsky and Hutch and there was a prostitute in it. I wasn't exactly sure what a prostitute was but I thought it was a something to do with religion, maybe the opposite of a Catholic? I asked my Gran "What's a prostitute" and her jaw dropped open with shock before she eventully said "A prostitute is a very naughty girl". I couldn't understand it - surely people who went to church a lot weren't naughty?
When I was little, my sunday school would tell us God was always watching. I would always insist my mom hold a towel in front of me while I was on the toilet, because I didn't want God to see me pee.
Mormons ate Miracle Whip. Catholics ate mayonnaise. This was one of many differences between the 2 religions I noticed growing up in Salt Lake City.
When I was just a little kid, there were Coca-Cola commercials on at the time that would always end with a person taking a drink of Coke, and saying: "Ahhh". The priest at my church would always say "Ahhh" (but more of an exhaling of breath than an Ahhh) after he took a drink from the chalice. This lead me to believe that the priest had Coca-cola in his chalice.
As a Catholic, I hated going to confession when I was little. I could never remember anything wrong I had done or any lies I had told, so I would make something up, promising myself I would confess that lie at the next confession. Always thought I would be struck down for lieing about lieing!
I remember growing up in church when I was a small child. When the minister would would recite psalms and the congregation would respond, I never realized everyone was reading out of a book because I was too small to see. So, I just assumed everyone around me was an alien.
I used to be an alter boy and when we served funerals we got money off the family for serving and I used to think they payed us to cry so it would look better.
I used to believe that like some humans, animals went to church too. and i believed that chickens went to church to worship FogHorn LegHorn.
When I first moved to Idaho, I had no idea that LDS was a religion. When a new neighbor girl asked me if I was LDS, I thought she meant the Drug LSD. Needless to say I freaked out because I thought she was giving it to me or something.
When I was younger and went to church the priest would always end with "peace be with you." Well I always thought he said "Please go away." I thought he was so rude, and hated the thought of going to church because of it.
I used to think that if i looked at a cross it would turn me christian. every time we passed a church in the car, i'd close my eyes.
I was raised jewish. nobody ever told me about how religions worked.
I was raised Catholic, and when I was very young, my mother would always take me to children's mass in the auditorium of the local Catholic school. I had never attended mass in the actual church, but was dying to do so, because I was told that it was "God's House". I thought if I could just get across the street to the church Jesus would be in there, just hanging out, and I could meet him.
When I was at the christening of my sisters 3rd child. Her first child said as the Vicar approached, "Are you God". To this the Vicar with an air of self importance replied, "Very nearly my son, very nearly".
When my mom was younger, her family attended this really traditional Roman Catholic Church where the service was entirely in Latin, so you couldn't really understand what was going on. A bell was rung when they did communion, and it was a really solemn part of the mass. When her parents brought her younger sister to church for the first time, the bells were rung for communion and her little sister stood up on the pew and shouted "Wait a minute, Hoppy! I want ice cream!" (Hoppy was the driver of the town ice cream truck, and she thought that the bells she heard came from the ice cream truck)
When I was younger, I believed that Priests could get married, but only to Nuns
I asked my father what holy water was. He told me it was the priest's bathwater.
I was convinced that God was married to Mother Nature until I went through Confirmation in the eigth grade.
My pastor thought it was funny and told the whole congragation about it the next Sunday.
I met a male Protestant for the first time and I found it odd - I didn't think there were any male Protestants. As a child I had always thought that Protestants were the people who roam the sidewalks at night asking sex for money.
It was only after that I found out those were actually "prostitutes".
I used to think when I was little that when you had your first communion they nailed you to a cross. When I learned in religion class I would be having mine soon, I cried and when the teacher asked me what was wrong I said "Just because they did it to Jesus doesn't mean they have to do it to me!"
When I was growing up in rural Iowa, there was a set of three large, decorative crosses by the side of the road on the way to town. I thought that they were archaeological remnants of the ancient times during which they used to really crucify people. (In ancient Iowa.)