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When i was like 4 i didn't understand about the Eucharist at mass and one day in The middle of Church I yelled to my mom LOOK MOM THEY ARE GIVING AWYA FREE SAMPLES! I recived many laughs and funny looks and I didn't understand why my mom woulnd't let me go up to get some!
I did not come from a religious family, so I had no religious studies. I was also Canadian, so I didn't know what the amendments were, but had heard them mentioned a lot.
I always thought the commandments and the amendments were the same thing. So when someone said, "I plead the fifth" I figured they were talking about not stealing.
I never said anything, so was never corrected, and believed this up until teenagehood.
When I was young, I used to believe that the money put into collection plates at church was actually sent to God; that after the church service was over, the pastor would go outside and leave the plate behind the building, and God would come and get it once everybody left. Didn't realize until some time later that the church itself used the money.
When I first heard of the Pope I misheard it as The Poke, apparently he was above even Kings. That fitted because he had a taller crown than was ever seen on a King.
He was called the Poke because he carried this big staff thing and if anyone, even our King, contradicted him he'd poke them in the eye with it.
when i was a kid i heard about "communion" when i went to catholic scripture class at school once. the teacher explained that the idea was that people ate the flesh of christ and drank the blood of christ. she also told us that god was really really really big AND that god and jesus christ were just different versions of the same thing. so.... i put all this information together and believed that at communion people were REALLY eating a little piece of christ's body, and that christ was a reallly really really big person, and that every church kept a slab of christ which they would carve little bits off to feed to people every sunday. i was quite disgusted by this for many years.
When I heard the priest lived at the church, I thought it meant he actually lived in the sanctuary. I assumed he slept on the organ.
Up until I was 6 years old, my family lived in Easton, Pennsylvania, which is right next to a little city called Bethlehem. I went to preschool at a church, and after all of the Jesus stories I heard, not once did an adult ever make sure we understood that the Bethlehem in these stories is not the same as the one down the road. So I went for a great period of my early childhood believing that I was walking on the same ground as Jesus did 2000 years ago.
When I was younger I always thought Holy Communion was chocolate buttons and that the priest wouldn't give it to the younger kids because he was so greedy. Even back then just before my Communion my brothers then informed me it was garlic bread. I was totally confused.
At my first confession when I was 7, I couldn't think of anything to confess. So I made up some sins and lied to the priest.
That may well have been the first actual sin I've ever committed.
I was brought up a Catholic and attended a Catholic school. When we had RE classes the topic was regularly raised "Is masturbating a Mortal Sin?" The answer from the teacher was always "Most assuredly YES!!" I was terribly confused as I, not having come accross the word before, had misheard the question as "Is MASS DEBATING a Mortal Sin?" For several years I thought that groups of people having a discussion together were condemned to an eternity of Hellfire when they died!
I was told by my teacher that when a person gives charity, god will reward him with double of what he has given.
When I was in the synagouge my father gave charity and took back change, I tought he had taken back double of what he has given.
At my old church after offering they used to put the trays under this table. and i never saw anyone take it out. so i had this thoery since all the money goes to god that he would like teleport it up to him after everyone left.
We were not required to attend school during the three summer months, so I assumed that church worked the same way. All through May and June, I kept wondering which Sunday would be the last before our summer vacation from church services. But graduation day never came.
When my sister and I were children you went to Catholic church with this little doiley thing on your head. I had very thin straight hair any my bobbypins would fall out. My sister told me that it was a sin not to wear it so I had to manage to keep it on. One windy day I was entering the church when a gust of wind blew my "doiley" off my head. My grandmother and sister were a few steps ahead of me and I hollered, at the top of my lungs to them, into a big, old echoey church, "I can't go in there Nana or I'm going straight to hell!" Needless to say the congregation got quite a kick out it. The priest did explain to me later that that was simply not true. I'm not Catholic anymore.
When attending Catholic mass as a kid, I thought the final thing said was not "Thanks be to God" but rather "Thanks, speedy God". I was always dying to get out of mass as quickly as possible and I was glad that the rest of the congregation felt the same way! (at least until I realized what they were really saying)
Having been a voracious reader since age 3, I was familiar with a variety of religious practices at an early age. But I didn't encounter Catholic-style Ash Wednesday until I was in 3rd or 4th grade. A girl in my (public school) classroom showed up with a dark spot on her forehead and a very nice dress on. I assumed that people were FINALLY being allowed to marry at a proper age in this country, and congratulated her on her wedding. She had no idea what the heck I was talking about. Then someone said it was because of Ash Wednesday, but could not explain it. I had to ask Mom about it when I got home to get the straight story. I had assumed that my very Catholic classmate was Hindu, and that she was now wearing a "tip" (the dot on the forehead) as she was now married!
I used to think that rosaries were like little radios so when you pray, your prayer would be picked up by
the steeple (which also has a cross) and then the prayer would be broadcasted
I once asked my older sister what a nun was (we're not Catholic), and she told me that it was a half man half woman. Needless to say, watching the movie "Sister Act" with Whoopi Goldberg was quite traumatic for me.
The deadline for signing up to be an altar boy was fast approaching, and I knew my family wanted me to join. My mom found me depressed and crying the night before the deadline. She pressed me for details, and I admitted that I just wasn't sure I wanted to sign my life over to the priesthood yet. Where in the world I got the idea that becoming an altar boy meant I was a priest for life, I have no idea, but mom's reassurances never provided more comfort than on that night.
When I was little, my mother and aunt took me to church for the very first time. I think I was around 5 years old. ANyway, whne we got there I sat paitently with my hand folded across my lap and said repeatedly to my mother " I'm ready to see God now." I then procedded to relentlessley make comments throughout the mass such as " Hey look at the Big T", and " Who's that guy in the God suit"