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When I was little I used to believe that thunder was God moving his furniture, when it rained God was crying, when it snowed God was mopping his floors and lightning was the light switch going on and off in heaven.
In Sunday school, we sang "Lord of the Dance" and I thought it said that "he danced for the tribes of the Cherokees". I had no idea what Scribes and Pharasees were.I was singing it this way one time, and someone asked me if I was Mormon.I wasn't, and was very confused.
I use to think the known Christmas song "in excelsis deo" was en chelsea's dayo
I always wondered why Philemon was beating up James. We used to sing a song to help us learn the books of the New Testament. In it there it was, plain as day: "...Titus and Philemon, he bruised (Hebrews) James, 1st and 2nd Peter..." Seriously dude, leave James alone!
I always wondered why shepherds washed their socks by night. (correct lyric: watched their flocks)
I used to believe that Hosianna was a character from the Bible because of the line "Hosianna, Son of David!" in a religious hymn. Unfortunately, the religion class I attended only reinforced this belief: We were told that King David had many different children, and imagining the mysterious Hosianna as a less prominent son among several siblings made a lot of sense to me. It took a couple of years until my father found out about this belief of mine and set me straight.
When I was first learning to read, I thought "choir" was "chore." So every Wednesday and Sunday at 7 according to the the church bulletin, it was time for people to go to church and do chores! It took me a couple years to realize what the word really was.
In the first verse of the Harvest Festival hymn "Come ye thankful people, come" there is a line that reads "All be safely gathered in, ere the winter storms begin". For a long time I thought that meant "Everyone be safely gathered indoors, before the winter storms begin". Only recently did I find out that it refers to crops, rather than to people!
When I was little, I thought the lyrics for silent night. "so tender and mild" was referring to baby Jesus like he was a piece of meat. I was really confused as to why they were going to eat Jesus.
My brother and I are preacher's kids, so we were at church all the time. I was very gullible and my brother was very mischievous and in the hymn "Jesus is a Rock in a Weary Land," my brother told me the lyrics were "Jesus threw a rock and away he ran!" Then he went into this big explanation about how in olden times people were stoned to death for doing bad things, and if I wasn't good, Jesus was going to throw a rock at me. I think my brother was a religious terrorist.
In our baptst church we sing a song entitled "Trust and Obey". The lyrics in one of the verses say "as we walk by His side IN THE WAY". We always laugh because it sounds like we are holding up progress. WE'RE IN THE WAY! Boy that speaks volumes doesn't it!
In about the 7th grade my friends and I would never be able to make it through church with a straight face whenever the congregation sang the hymn "Lead On Oh King Eternal". It always sounded like they were singing "Lead On, Oh Kinky Turtle." - Still makes me laugh!
When I was about 4 most of my playmates went to Bible School during the summer, while I, being Catholic, had summer Catecism. I envied the other kids because they always came home singing the best songs - songs like we never got to sing. I especially liked "A little chocolate Jesus makes it right, alright." And my childish brain pictured little chocolate Jesus's, like chocolate Santa's. or chocolate bunnys. It was actually many years later before I heard the song "A little talk with Jesus...." and then realized what the actual words really are.
In a religious song, instead of “Jesus Christ” I heard “Cheese is Prize”
I always wondered what a "sino" was in "Jesus loves me the sino..."
I was raised Catholic, and one of the hymns we used to sing at communion contained the line, "You satisfy the hungry heart with gift of finest wheat." For the longest time, I thought that it was "You satisfy the hungry FOX," and I couldn't figure out why a fox would be satisfied with wheat. Surely foxes didn't really eat wheat!
When I was a kid, I went to a Catholic elementary school, and we'd have mass where we all to sing hymns. There was one, I think it went "Go tell it on the mountain", but I always heard it as "Goatillet on the mountain" and imagined a goatillet as a strange goat-like creature standing on a mountain top. I always wondered why anyone would write a song about that, and what it had to do with religeon.
I took "Gods got the whole world in his hands" a little too literally. I believed if we dug too deeply into the earth we would reach God's hand...oh and the sky was a handkerchief or a blanket to keep us warm.
We sang a hymn/religious song (I think it was more modern than a hymn judging by the informal lyrics) at school with the line "who made Earth and Mars?" This always annoyed me because the Bible says God made Earth, but has no mention of the other planets. I had also learnt from science books that the planets were formed naturally with no influence from God. So whenever we sang the hymn, I wouldn't say the words "and Mars", because I knew God had nothing to do with making it.
Before I could read, as a child I sang the song, "Lo in the grave he laid, Jesus my Savior." I wondered what was Jesus doing lying in the gravy?