I used to think the line in "Silent Night, Holy Night" that goes "...holy infant, so tender and mild" actually went "...holy imbecile, tender and mild." Now, I was a smart girl, and I knew what imbecile meant, but I thought maybe it had some esoteric meaning I wasn't aware of.
I was 3 when my mother taught me the song "Silent Night". When I sang "Sleep in Heavenly Peace", I thought when you died and went to heaven, you slept on a bed on peas and if you got hungry, you'd scoop a fistful and shove it into your mouth. Yes, peas were my favorite vegetables and heaven sounded really good to me.
At Christmas time all the churches near my house would build a manger scene and populate it with sheep, goats, etc. So when I heard "Joy To The World" I thought the line was "And havin' a nature scene..." instead of "And Heaven and Nature sing..."
a friend's aunt was quite unsure why during the holy mass she had to sing a song about a cross-eyed bear called gladly. years later she found out that she was supposed to be ready to support jesus by confirming "gladly, the cross i'd bear"
As well as the popular "I am the lord of the Dance SETEE". We had another hymn "Who build the Ark? Noah! Noah!", but I thought the lyrics were "Who build the Ark? No-one No-one" I couldn't understand why we were singing a song about an ark that no-one had bothered to make
Did anyone else sing "Hark, the hairy angels sing"?
When I used to go to Sunday School, I firmly believed the words to the song 'Jesus wants me for a sunbeam' were 'Jesus wants me for a zombie' and used to sing as loud as possible as it was my favourite song
Growing up, I would sing "He is Exhausted" instead of "He is Exalted." It wasn't until I belted it out in church one day that my mom about choked trying not to laugh...needless to say I was informed that God doesn't tire very easily. <><
There used to be a hymn we sang in church when I was young. The hymn used to terrify me and I was scared to go to church every Sunday. Now I know that the words are "Dance, dance, where ever you may be, for I am the Lord of the Dance, said he and I'll meet you all where ever you may be and I'll meet you all at the dance, said he" (or something very close to this). When I was young, however, I thought it went "Dance, dance, where ever you may be, for I am the Lord of the dance settee and I'll eat you all where ever you may be and I'll eat you all on the dance settee"
Our church frequently sang the hymn, "Lead On, Oh King Eternal." Among kids, it was, "Lead On, Oh Kinky Turtle."
Early literacy can be a mixed blessing - being able to read I missed out on the dancing furniture, the unbuilt arks and even the happy salad (Lettuce with a gladsome mind), but I read and re-read the verse of "Just for Today" which goes "Let me no wrong or idle word unthinking say (that bit was fine), set thou a seal upon my lips, just for today". Okay, God can do everything, so the general idea wasn't too much of a problem - it was the details ... like, would the seal be balancing a beach ball on its nose? How big would it be? Would I be able to breathe? ...
The hymn "Gentle Jesus meek and mild" contains the line - "Pity my simplicity". For years I thought this was "Pity mice in Plicity" and wondered where this awful place called Plicity was where mice were so persecuted.
When my brother was young, he used to think that the church chorus, "We Bring the Sacrifice of Praise" was actually "We Bring Sacks of Rice on Trays."
During the singing time portion of the childrens class at my chuch we would sing a song with the lyrics "I am a child of God, and so my needs are great." I believed the worlds were "and so my knees are gray." I was sad when I relized that my knees wre not gray, and therefore I wasn't a child of God.
The song "dance, dance whereever you may be. I am the lord of the dance said he" I always thought was "i am the lord of the dancing team and I need you all whereever you may be and I need you all on the dancing team" God was a groover!
at church i heard "Lord I Lift Your Name on High" and thought for the longest time that the lyrics where "From the earth to the cross, my damp toupee." instead of "my dept to pay" ...
When i was younger, at christmas time, people would sing this christmas carol:
"Deck the halls with boughts of holly, falalalalaaaa lalalala."
I was horrified as i thought they sang:
"Deck the halls with thousand bodies,
My friend, when we sang "he looked beyond my faults and saw my needs " used to sing " he looked beyond my socks and saw my knees"
i have a slight hearing problem and in church i made a few mistakes. instead of singing "up from the grave he arose" i would sing "up from the gravy rose." i never wuite understood it. the same with "deliver us from evil" which i believed to be "deliver us from weasels." at weddinds i thought "holy matrimony" was "holy macaroni". i thought macaroni was some secret part of a wedding ceremony we weren't allowed to see.
we sang a song at church 'i will make you fishers of men if you follow me' i used to get confused cos i thought it said 'i will make you vicious old men' I always wondered why being vicious was good....