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hymns

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When my grandma was little, she thought the words to "Jesus loves me" were "Jesus slaws me." She couldn't figure out what that meant, or why Jesus would want to "slaw" anyone!

Anon
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At the end of Sunday School in church they used to take a collection (donation of money ) from each one of us.
I believed ( aged 4/5) that every week the teacher left Sunday School and went up to heaven to give the money to God!!!

Gill
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When my son was little he came back from church and said that they had sung his favourite hymn about the drains. I asked him to sing the song to me and he sang 'Guard our drains, guard our drains' instead of 'Our God reigns, our Gods reigns'.

Val
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When I heard "Hark! the Herald Angels Sing", I thought the "Harold Angels" were a troupe run by some guy neamed Harold, like the June Taylor Dancers or the King Family.

Mike Ransom
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I thought that the lyrics to Silent Night were "Sleep in heavenly peas" instead of "Sleep in heavenly peace". Poor Jesus, asleep in the peas...

Veronique S
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I used to think that the old folk hymn "Do, Lord" (do, Lord, oh do, Lord, oh do remember me...) was about a fairy called the "Dew Lord", and I couldn't figure out why he and Jesus were in the same song...

Anon
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How many other people stood on their Bibles after learning, "The B-I-B-L-E, now that's the book for me. I stand alone on the word of God, the B-I-B-L-E!"

Mindy
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Handel's "Messiah" includes "For we, like sheep, have gone astray". But Handel, a German, was a bit rough on his english phrasing, so the main line comes out as "For we LIKE sheep", which puzzled our Sunday School choir - we had nothing against sheep mind you, but few Australians would choose them as special mates. A couple of us decided on our own slant, incurring strife for singing, "For we like sheep, but I prefer dogs -..... etc". "But Sir, we were in tune and everything!"

Swanny
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when I was at school we used to sing the Hymn, the Lord of the Dance. When it got to the chorus, the line went - "Dance Lord wherever you may be i am the Lord of the dance said he" However i thought the line went "dnace Lord wherever you may be I am the Lord of the dance setee" and surprisingly enough imagined the Lord dancing on a sofa!

jen
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A verse of the hymn "The Church's One Foundation" describes the church as follows: "Elect from every nation yet one o'er all the earth." I had never seen "elect" used as a noun before, so I assumed that it was a verb and that the verse was encouraging us to hold an international election to choose one person to be President of the World. I had no idea why.

T2
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In a home video of me when I was three, I sang the "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" lyrics as "Good tidings we bring, to you and your kid." Until my mom corrected me, I never even knew the word "kin" existed.

Sarah
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There's a park in Buffalo, NY, called Humboldt Park, so it didn't seem
odd to my little friend that there was a hymn that began, "Jesus Is
Sneaking Through Humboldt Park." He was surprised to learn it's
"Jesus the Seeker of Humble Hearts."

bertee
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I used to think that the words were "Dance, dance where-ever you may be, I am the lord of the Dance Settee..."
I imagined that Jesus and his followers running around my living room and jumping on the settee. My parents still have the settee and I still think of it as the Dance Settee

George
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Not mine, but my husband's -- and not that long ago. He cracked up the choir during a church service by singing "There is a bomb in Goliad!" Considering that a very important battle during the Texas war for independence from Mexico was fought at Goliad, he did have a point.

Texas granny
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MUM: What shall we sing now?
ME, AGED 4: Sing the one about the sofa
MUM: ???
ME: You know..."I am the Lord of the Dance Settee"
MUM: (smothered giggles) OH! You mean "I am the Lord of the Dance, said he"...(outright laughter)

Loody
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We used to sing that old hymn that has a line "O God of Bethal by whose hand hast all our Father's led"
My Dad enjoyed fishing and I could never work out why God had taken all my father's lead.

Jon
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When I was a child, we just to sing this song in church called Victory in Jesus. Part of the lyrics were "He plunged me to victory, beneath the crimson flood." (to understand the next part of this story, you have to know that there was a small town named Hickory that was a few miles from where I lived). Instead of the above lyrics, I always thought it said "He punched me to Hickory, into a sea of blood." I always hated that song because I could just imagine Jesus punched me under the chin, and me flying across the air into this bloody sea.

Chad
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When I was little, I used to believe that the song " May the Dear Lord Bless You" was about a deer that was a lord in a kingdom and he was saying bless you as if you had just sneezed.

Tabitha
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My brother and I are preacher's kids, so we were at church all the time. I was very gullible and my brother was very mischievous and in the hymn "Jesus is a Rock in a Weary Land," my brother told me the lyrics were "Jesus threw a rock and away he ran!" Then he went into this big explanation about how in olden times people were stoned to death for doing bad things, and if I wasn't good, Jesus was going to throw a rock at me. I think my brother was a religious terrorist.

Janie
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When I was in year 1 at primary school (aged 5) we had to go to assembly with the whole school, but weren't given hymnbooks to help us sing the songs as most of couldn't read well enough yet. As a result, for years I sang "Dance, dance, wherever you may be, I am the lord of the dance settee". I assumed a "dance settee" was a place where you could be really comfortable, warm, etc, and were allowed to jump on the furniture!

Martha
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