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page 13 of 16

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when you light the menorah during hannukah, there's a saying that you're supposed to recite and it's in hebrew. used to think the end of it said: "Miss Evon knew Lahadlick Nair, shall Hannukah"

Anon
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When I was really little, I thought that the Lord's Prayer went, "Our father, you aren't in heaven...give us this day, our daily bed...the Father, the Son, and the Bully Spirit..." I still laugh at that one!!!

Mandy Grrrl
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When I was little, I heard the commandment "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house". At the time, I was under the impression that a "neighbor" was only limited to next door. Imagine my surprise when my next-door neighbors had their house bug-bombed and it had a large cloth cover over it -- I thought the commandment said "Thou shalt not COVER thy neighbor's house"!

Bunny
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When my brother-in-law was young, he thought the priest was saying: "Dominic, go frisk 'em" instead of Dominus Vobiscum.

Linda
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When my daughter was learning her prayers in parochial school, her homework was to practice reciting them. I was in stitiches when she spoke of the "Holy Spearmint", "Jesus, Mary, and Jophesine" (her grandmother's name is Josephine and she pronounced that backwards too!), and "Hail Mary, full of...full of...Mom, what's she full of?"

Susan
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I'll never forget the day I learned that the correct wording in the prayer was "and let perpetual light shine upon them". For years I'd been asking God to "let the petrol light shine upon them".

Susan
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top belief!

In Catholic Sunday school, when I was seven, I finally managed to ask the nun what a thywoom was, as in "blessed is the fruit of thywoom Jesus". I recall it took a while to straighten out the syntax of the phrase, but I was still kind of hazy about what a womb was. Eventually, the nun explained that it was the place where Jesus came from, and I was OK with that. I distinctly remember the nun's clenched teeth during the explanation. I think that the only reason she didn't smack me was because I came from a mixed Catholic-Protestant family and had one foot in Hell anyway.

Proud Ex-Catholic
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as a kid, i had trouble with the idea of the holy trinity. i just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of the father, the son, and the holy ghost all being different manifestations of the same being. i just always thought that if you had a little problem, you should pray to jesus. if you had a big problem, then you should go to big guy.

god didn't want to be bothered with my crushes and silly girlhood fears and insecurities. those were jesus's territory. no, god should only be asked to get involved if it were something major, like a test i hadn't studied for.

i had no idea what the holy ghost was there for.

hilary
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I was taught to pray as a 3-year-old, but I learned what the word "afasha" meant ... as in "Afasha die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take."

Rote memorization isn't always the best method.

Jim
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"Our father, who AREN'T in heaven."

Dead people went to heaven, but I figured maybe God lived some place even higher. But I still didn't understand the bad grammar.

Anon
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When the family would say grace before dinner, instead of saying "Amen", I thought it was "I win!" . . . for years.

Tracy
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We were praying for somebody close to us that was sick. My daughter (at the time 6yrs) proceeded with "Dear Lord, abra cadabra..." whereupon we collapsed into hysterics.

D
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As a little girl I was brought up quite religious even to the point that in the month of October we all had to say the rosary every night, no matter what, but one night I was just too tired so I tried to sneak into bed when my mum shouted (get out of bed this minute and say your prayers even a cow gets down on its knees before sleeping).

bernadette
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At infant school we said a prayer at the end of each day -

Hands together softly so
Little eyes shut tight
Father just before we go
Hear our prayer tonight.

And I used to say 'mother' instead of father because she was the one waiting for me at the gate not my 'dad'!

Anon
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Another religious animal (see Gladys the cross-eyed bear) was that American reptile "the prairie tortoise" who always seemed to feature just before the "Our Father"

paul
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i used to believe that God was going to make me marry someone at school that i really didnt like and so u used to pray every time i decided i didnt like a boy "please dont make me fall in love with, or marry so-in-so when i grow up..nuts!

andrea
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When I was about 8, our family were burying a much loved pet hamster in a small grave dug in the front garden. My Dad said thanks to God for poor departed Susie's life and we had a little prayer service. At the end of this service, my Dad placed the hamster into the grave with the words,

In the name of the Father
And of the Son
And into the hole you go
Amen

None of us were any the wiser.....

Mioauw
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When I was a child, I had a little debbie oatmeal pie every day as I watched Sesame Street and Mister Rogers. After Mister Rogers, it was time for my nap. As I lay in my Aunt's bed trying to sleep I used to pray that Jesus would show himself to me so that I could REALLY believe in him. He never did, but I can still envision him the way I wanted to see him, standing at the foot of the bed.

Jay
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top belief!

We Catholics do the sign of the cross often to begin and end a prayer. When I was little I thought the sign of the cross was God's phone number. I couldn't figure out why we had to dial Him up when the prayer was finished.

Suzy
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during prayers i always wondered why we had to wash lettuces when the vicar sais"let us pray" I thought he said "lettuce spray"

Anon
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