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This isn't my belief but its very funny:
my granny once told me that the house she had lived in with my mum and my auts and uncles had a fire guard over the fire, and whenever they said grace before a meal my Uncle would look at the Fire Guard. When they went to stay somewhere without a fire guard, he refused to say grace at all. This was because when they said "Dear god..." he'd always said "dear guard..." meaning the fire Guard!!!!
Whenever I wanted something, I would pray to God for it and threaten to worship Satan if he didn't give it to me.
I used to believe that doing the sign of the cross opened a connection directly to God. Sometimes, in my prayers, I'd forget whether or not I "closed" the connection, so I'd do the sign of the cross twice quickly hoping that that somehow reset the connection and I could go on thinking normal, sinful thoughts.
When I was about seven or eight, I truly thought that burglers were going to come into my house, steal our stuff and kill us all. I prayed every night for my family's safety. I would first complement God alot. Telling him how wonderful he was and thanking him for being with me....but then I would add "god, i'm not just trying to butter you up, I really do mean everything I said." Anytime I praised God I thought that he thought I was just trying to get on his good side.
Upp untill I was about 7 every time I went to church I would say "almond" instead of amen because I thought that was what everyone was saying. One day my mum had some almonds and she asked me if I wanted one and I started crying because I thought she meant we had to go to church (I didnt like it)
I believed that if I prayed hard enough to Jesus for my gay best friend, God would make him turn straight and marry me. Today, I look back on this and laugh.
I used to believe that taking the lord's name in vain was praying for silly or selfish things. When you prayed then God or Jesus had to stop whatever they were doing to listen to your prayer. This was a waste of their time which they could be doing more important things. This was a real problem because there are so many people in the world. Also religious people hurt Jesus's feeling when they wore crosses because it reminded Jesus of his death.
I used to believe that "pray without ceasing" meant pray without peeking. I didn't know what "ceasing" meant, so I guessed it was an old King James word for peeking. I was sure God wouldn't answer my prayer if I looked around while I prayed.
my brother used to think god was called peter because when you go to church you say thanks be to god, and he thought it was thanks peter god. god being his sirname. obviously. Also, he thought when you say let us pray, he thought it was lettuce pray and always started looking for lettuce!
When I was Christian (as a very small child, about 4 years old) at church, we were saying that world without end, amen, thing. I believed I knew every word of it, so I ended up shouting, "World with weird men, amen!" I actually thought those were the words. To top it off, the woman next to my grandmother leaned over and said, "Ain't that the truth."
My mom would always make me pray before I went to bed when I was young. She would say the same prayer every night, and it said "if I don't make it through the night, may my soul go to heaven" or something like that, and I would always picture a salt shaker flying up to heaven because "soul" and ''salt" sounded alike. LOL.
I used to think that God's name was Artie... My Grandpa said grace so fast before we ate so it sounded like this every time : "Artie, Heavenly Father, we thank Thee for these Thy gifts".... (Our Dear Heavenly Father). It took me years to figure it out.
I did not grow up with religion at all. Nevertheless, when I was 6 I had my own religion. I prayed to an old cologne bottle (it was gold and had a fake eagle perched on it) and a plastic skull. I used to pray that the girls in my class would come live with me and wear their hair in the style of princess Leah. (I still think this is a pretty good idea). The way I got a prayer to heaven was I would write the prayer on a rock with my finger, throw it up in the air, and plug my ears. (Not hearing it fall allowed me to believe that it went up to god).
When praying the Hail Mary, my son says "Hail Mary, full of GRAPES the Lord is with you..." I guess to him it must be the fruit of her womb, LOL!
I used to believe that when I recited Psalm 23 that Shirley Goodness and her sister Mercy Goodness would follow me all the days of my life. I thought that if I said it enough times, Shirley and Mercy would show up and always follow me everywhere I went for the rest of my life.
I used to think that if I wanted something, I just had to pray to God for it. For awhile every night I'd sit and make a list of what I wanted asking God to give me this and that on my bed the next morning. I'd go to bed happy and excited, only to be disappointed when I woke up, seeing nothing was there.
During Mass in the Catholic church the priest would offer up prayers which we would respond, "Thanks be to God". I used to think that the response was "Thanks pretty God". It made sense to me. Why wouldn't we compliment God?
I used to believe, upon hearing the Lord's Prayer, that 'thou art in heaven' meant exactly what it sounded like. God was an artist, bumming around all day on the clouds with a giant celestial easel painting beautiful images. The giant hippy.
When I was a child, reciting the Lord's Prayer, I thought the verse was "Lead us North, into temptation..." My father thought it was a riot and wouldn't let my mother correct me. I have no idea how many years I prayed to be led north....
Until I was 35, I thought "from thy bounty" in the "grace" prayer was "from thy bam teeth". Tought it was some Olde English thing. The Wife has corrected me, after laughing about it.Still get a sly smile and look from her from time to time when ever some says "Grace".