My favorite: At the end of Mass, the priest says, "The Mass is ended. Go in peace to love and serve the Lord." The parishoners reply, "Thanks be to God."
My little brother, Adam, always said, "Thanks speedy God!" -- thanking God for letting him out of church quickly.
I used to believe that the Lord's Prayer instructed us to lead a snot into temptation.
As an 7 year old Irish Catholic I was used to hearing the 'Hail Mary' But the line "blessed are thou amongst women" sounded like "blessed are thou, a Monk Swimming". At the age of 10 I was taken to a monastry and encouraged to ask questions. My question was "where is the swimming pool" ! I was the talk of the school.
When I was small, I LOVED peanut butter and jelly. SO, I suppose it was no small wonder that when I was saying my prayers one night, my mother stopped me and asked me to repeat what I had said.
"God is Grape, God is Good," I said.
It has had enormous impact on my theology ever since I discovered that God was not an enormous jar of grape jelly.
Honest. This is a true story.
When I was about 7 I didn't really pay that much attention at Mass. One night I heard my 8 year old brother reciting the Our Father to my dad at bed time. I thought he made it up and thought it was cool. The next Sunday we said my brother's prayer at church! I was really impressed!
i used to say 'our father, who art in heaven, hello whats your name?'
"Our father, who art in heaven. Howard be thy name."
I still say "Thank You Howard" when I feel blessed.
When I was a young Catholic - pre-Vatican Two - and Mass was in Latin, I thought that the frequent prayer Dominus Vobiscum - Et cum spiritu tuo (The Lord be with you ...) was the football results.
my mother grew up in Argentina close to what she thought to be a seedy train station, Temperly. Every sunday while reciting the "Lord's Prayer" at church she would cry, "and lead us not to Temperley Station!"
( I believe the line is "and lead us not into temptation")
We Catholics do the sign of the cross often to begin and end a prayer. When I was little I thought the sign of the cross was God's phone number. I couldn't figure out why we had to dial Him up when the prayer was finished.
Another religious animal (see Gladys the cross-eyed bear) was that American reptile "the prairie tortoise" who always seemed to feature just before the "Our Father"
as a kid, i had trouble with the idea of the holy trinity. i just couldn't wrap my head around the idea of the father, the son, and the holy ghost all being different manifestations of the same being. i just always thought that if you had a little problem, you should pray to jesus. if you had a big problem, then you should go to big guy.
god didn't want to be bothered with my crushes and silly girlhood fears and insecurities. those were jesus's territory. no, god should only be asked to get involved if it were something major, like a test i hadn't studied for.
i had no idea what the holy ghost was there for.
you know how people say "amen" when someone's praying aloud, saying that they agree? when i was little i thought these individuals were very impatient and they were trying to get the person to shut up and end the prayer.
My 4 year old son followed me outside one day when I went to get something out of the car. I heeard him talking to me, so I pulled my head out of the car and asked him to repeat what he'd said. He said, "I'm just calling to Jesus". Then, he hollared up at the sky, "Jesus?! Jesus?!". We went back inside so that I could get ready for work. When I left for work about 30 minutes later, my son walked me to the door. Apparently, during that time inside, someone had placed an advertising flyer on our door. My son grabbed the flyer and excitedly exclaimed, "a note from Jesus!". He now believes that all of the flyers are notes from Jesus.
I used to htink that the Lord's prayer went "and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us some email..."
"Hail Mary, full of grapes, the lord is a tree"
My parents were of different religions, so neither one prayed out loud. When I went to catholic shool, I was inundated with all these prayers. The nuns always led the prayers very rapidly so I mis-heard some of the words. There was a line in particular which startled me. Instead of hearing "fruit of thy womb, Jesus" in the Hail Mary prayer I kept hearing "Fruit of the Loom Jesus". That really boggled my imagination. I could not imagine how the Fruit of the Loom company got an ad for underwear inserted into a prayer. I used to wonder how much that cost and who they paid it to.
When I was little I thought that the little puff of smoke when a candle burns out was your prayer going up to heaven. I would delight in sitting in church watching all those prayers wafting silently up to God. Quite sweet I think.
I also used to pray that my mum could have a washing machine, since she said she wanted one and you're not supposed to pray for things for yourself. When she eventually got one I was quietly pleased that my prayers had been answered. Turns out it was Radio Rentals and not God who provided it. It's the thought that counts...
One night my aunt was outside of my 6-year old cousin's door listeneing to her say her prayers, then burst out laughing when my cousin began with, "our father, who farts in Heaven..."
When I was younger I believed the reason I never got caught doing naughty things at school was because I said my Our Father everynight. I thought the line that went "and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil" actually went "and lead us not into DETENTION, but deliver us from evil". it certainly made sense to me.