school

I used to believe…

When I was in about 1st or 2nd grade, I used to think that school went on forever. I had a lot of cousins and they all talked about being in such high grades like 10th or 11th (which I'm currently in). I actually remember having a conversation with one of my friends at the time that school would go on until 1 millionth grade!

I used to have this teacher with huge jowls, and i had never seen jowls before, so, i naturally assumed that this 'woman' was in fact some kind of 'dog-woman-thing'. The jowls were the saggy cheeks that some dogs have, and plus, she had brown hair, which for some reason made it worse, and a bit of a moustache. I used to think that she would hide in storgage cupords and start turing into a dog. I convinced myself that i had seen a black dog walking thorugh the school halls and that the teacher was always panting.

I used to believe…

One of my english teachers scared the heck out of me, not only was she really mean but she looked like the cross between a troll, a lepracaun, and a chipmunk.

I used to believe…

The words as I understood them went something like:

Attach a lesion to the flag, of the United States of America,
into the Republic, where witches stand,
one nation, underground, and invisible, with liberty�and just this!�for all.

Each time I visited with friends and family for a year or so following my mastery of these enigmatic lyrics I was required, by my mother, to make a solo performance for everyone�s enjoyment.

Inevitably, once I took my place in front of my audience, someone from the crowd would cry out, in a shouting whisper, �Your right hand, Ricky! Other side! There you go!� at which point I would locate my heart, cover it as required by my teacher and this disturbing song, and proceed with my rendering of it.

I must say that every recital received applause and laudations from its spectators. Either I delivered it with such passion and fluidity that no one paid attention to the words I uttered, or they themselves didn�t know the true words and thus thought nothing of my odd rendition of them, or it was simply a wonderful joke amongst the grown-folks to watch little Ricky�s brow furrow at the speculation of where in our town the Republic might lie and just how many witches could be found there loitering about, preying upon young schoolboys. I suspect the latter of these possibilities to be the most likely.

I used to believe…

When I was little I went to a school that was 1st to 3rd. I was in 1st and I can remember thinking 3rd graders were the really big kids. I couldn't wait to be one!

I used to believe…

when i went to preschool i was told that each november 11th i got out for 'Veteran's Day' but i always heard it as 'Bedtime's Day' and thought that it was the day when everyone spent the whole day in bed

I used to beleive that when teachers went to the teachers lounge, it looked like a room with an old vending machine, and when the teachers were on break they'd lock teh door, and open a secret passage behind the vending machine that leads to a cafe, resort, and stuff like that

I used to believe…

when i was young a friend of mine frome primary school told me that she never studied at home because she had a special trick, and so she told me that she only had to put her schoolbook under her pillow and when she woke up in the morning the knowledge had transferred to her brain. i was so stupid to believe her. one special day my parents were gone on holidays and my grandmother was looking after me, i tryed it and got the worst mark i ever had.

I used to believe…

My cousin TJ is 4 and lives in Italy, although he is American. He goes to a school for toddlers taught by nuns. We always knew they didn't like him much, and his parents discovered why when he waved at a passing nun one day. "Man, Mom!" he said. "Those nunions didn't even wave to us!" Undoubtedly this played a part in their dislike...

I used to believe…

When I was in kindergarten, a bunch of different international flags hung on the walls of the classroom (I guess to show respect for ethnic diversity), and in the front of the classroom was the huge American Flag. Every day when we'd have to say the Pledge of Alligence, the teacher would say, "Now turn and face the flag." Because she never specified WHICH flag to turn to, I'd pledge alligence to a different flag every day! Eventually the teacher caught on and asked me what I was doing. When I explained myself, she laughed for about ten minutes straight!

I used to believe…

When I was younger I used to believe that my school teachers were actually my parents in costumes. I was always paranoid about getting in trouble as a result. My beliefs were reinforced whenever I did something bad at school and by the time I got home they knew about it.

Little did I know about secretaries and phone calls.

I used to believe…

As a preschooler, I used to think that at school testing starts on Day 1 and testing, not teaching, was what teachers mostly did. I knew how to read, write, add and subtract before I went to school, but I knew there was a mathematical operation called multiplication and I didn't know how to multiply. So on my first day of class I was trembling with fear because I thought the teacher will ask me to multiply two numbers and give me a failing grade.

I used to believe…

When I was in kindergarden my Mum thaught I was learning some foreign language and immediatly called the teacher to find out why she wasn't told about. Here is what I was saying: "A fledga leedga tooda flack". It turned out to be the Pledge of Alleagance.

I used to think that the girls' toilets at my primary school were haunted, so I set up my own Ghostbusters' club with my friends.

We also used to think that this teacher (who was, to be fair, a complete bitch) was really an alien with green skin underneath her human disguise. (I think I got that from watching Roald Dahl's "The witches")

Funny though, we never caught any ghosts, only a haunting stench.

I used to believe…

My daughter asked why I didn't come to the school assemblies. I explained that it was difficult for mummy as I had to work. She then proceeded to tell me that I didn't know what I was missing out on as 'God' comes to the assemblies. I later realised that she was talking about the Priest!

I used to believe...when school teachers went to their "teacher's break room", they worked on and built rockets to fight the Soviets and Cubans (back during the Missile Crisis).