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At school we were told God is inside of us, so when i got pins and needles in my foot i thought it was God vacuming my feet....... ????
You know the "pink slips" you got when you were bad? When I first heard of them, I thought they would get an actual pink slip - as in women's underwear!
I used to believe that when teachers told the class, "see you next year!" right before winter break, that this meant that we had a whole year off from school. I was later shocked to find out how fast a year went by...
I used to believe that when you circled a letter on a multiple choice the letters couldn't Breathe. I never completely circled them.
When I was in grade school we had a history lesson about the Civil War and Reconstruction. The teacher told us the United States had split apart and then after the war the Southern states had to rejoin the rest of the country. I thought she meant literally split apart. I imagined people using big boards to nail the country back together.
I used to think that if a child wore glasses, that child was smart. This didn't mean that I thought children who didn't wear glasses were not smart, just that wearing glasses was a reliable indicator. Then, Mary Beth C. got glasses, and I KNEW she wasn't smart. There went the glasses=smart theory.
A house next to my primary school had a large water tank which I was told (and I beleived) held the bodies of chopped up babies. Apparently, the man that lived there would stuff them into the pipe that ran from the house into the tank. I never thought to question why a baby killer would be allowed to live next to a primary school - especially when so many kids seemed to know about it...
When I was in Kindergarten, I used to believe that classrooms had special air that changed when children talked, because the teachers kept saying over and over again, "There can't be any talking in this room".
The night before my first day of kindergarten, I was very excited. I pictured "school" as this cross between a medieval monastery, a planetarium, and a mad scientist's lab. People in long flowing robes. Wild chemistry set-ups with bubbling flasks and spirals of glass tubing. At "school", I would finally get to learn the secrets of the universe.
Imagine my surprise at the kindergarten classroom. My heart fell, but after a bit, leaped with hope again as the teacher said that we should "line up to all go to the lavatory". I heard "laboratory", and thought this was finally it. Clearly they had all the cool stuff hidden in some other part of the building.
But then saw the prosaic tiled wall and then realized it actually meant "toilets".
School has not lived up to my dreams yet, but I think I'm still looking for that same thing.
When i was in kindergarden i had a little id and on sex it said "f"(female) I always thought that i had failed sex somehow!
Before I even went to grade school, my brother told me that in Primary there were pirates. If you were bad, the pirates would get you. If you got something wrong, the pirates would get you.
I could just imagine:
One day in first grade I missed a day of school and also that weeks spelling test. The next day my teacher told me I had a make up test and would need to stay in from recess along with another girl in my class who had missed as well. Never missing a test before I didn't know what a makeup test was so with my 6 year old brain I came to the conclusion that the other girl and I had been picked to try on make up to see how it looked. Until recess I was so excited to get to my "make over". I dreamed of pictures being taken, other kids comming in from recess surprised to see me done up. I was also plauged why I was picked how I was picked and the same thing for the other girl. Finally recess came, I walked to my teacher with a great big smile and was puzzled when handed what looked like home work. She stated that it needed to be turned in Monday and I could now sit down to take my test. My dreams of makeup stardom were shaddered.
In preschool, I thought that the letter N came twice in the alphabet- W X Y N Z
When I was about four, our kindergarden teacher told us that there would be a fire simulation in the next few weeks when the firemen would come to our school. I was terrified, because I thought they would set our school on fire to teach us what to do in case a real fire started, and I was unsure whether the firemen would be able to deal with the fire before everything was destroyed.
You know how some kids get expelled and they have to change schools? Well, I thought that that meant the kid wasn't allowed at ANY school in the state. Therefore, the kid and his/her family would have to move to a new state just so the kid could go to school. The Really confusing thing to me was: what if the kid is so bad there are no states left?
When I was in 3rd grade my english assignment was to read an incomplete story and at the end I was supposed to "draw a conclusion" of how the story ended. My mom was out of town so my dad helped me. We drew a picture of how we think the story ended. I think my teacher laughed the rest of the year after I turned that assignment in!
When I was 6-7 years old, I knew an officer named Benito, one day my spanish teacher mentioned the death of the mexican hero Benito Juarez , I was shocked and I told to all the class and the teacher that Benito was alive and he worked as an officer near my house.
I used to think that when you went to junior school you had to wear a turban.
One time during elementary school we are reading a poem by "e.e. cummings". I asked my teacher why his name isn't capitalized. My teacher told me it was "artistic license." For a while I thought there was an actual "artistic license" that you have to apply for and get, like a driver's license, and only if you had an "artistic license" were you allowed to violate the rules of syntax.
One day at the super market, my older brother pulled down my pants. When I asked him why, he said it was because I bugged him. So on my first day of school, the teacher was telling us about something I already knew. So I walked up to the front of the class and pulled down her skirt.