the top 200 beliefs
I convinced my little brother that bubbles were your possible futures and once you popped them, they were destined to happen to you. I told him that the reason you see a tiny version of yourself in them (your reflection) was because that was the future you but that I could see really well and only I could make out what they were. I would blow a bunch of bubbles and say there were a bunch of different futures in them sand watch him excitedly pop the ones that I told him were really good. Sometimes when he was acting up I'd tell him one of the bunch was bad and then watch him pop and bubble and shout "oh no! Not that one!" But then after he'd freaked out about whatever bad future I said would happen, tell him the next bubble undid it. Some of his bad futures were getting bad grades in school, growing up ugly, losing all his teeth, or just getting trouble for what he might have done that day. But the future that made him really lose it and meltdown was that he would fall in love and get married. For some reason that future was utterly unbearable to a five year old.
I used to believe that fireflies went to sleep for the night as soon as it got dark. Or at least that's what I was told, probably so I would go inside. It wasn't until my 20's when I was hiking with some friends at night and saw fireflies that I expressed out loud, 'Wow, I can't believe these guys are out so late.' It got quiet and at that point I realized...
Before I was born my parents had a "painter" paint a mural in my room of angels. For some reason this marvelous painter painted a bunch of little angels with 6 fingers on each hand. As I grew up I thought it was a common known fact that all Angels had 6 fingers.
when i was little i thought the word "prostitute" meant "prosecutor" and in seventh grade i was on the bus and I yelled really loudly HEY JAKE ISN'T YOUR DAD A PROSTITUTE!
Not directly related to Santa Claus, but when I first heard of Cupid from classical mythology, I immediately thought of Cupid, one of Santa's reindeer. I figured they must be one and the same, since they're both mythological figures who can fly. When asked how this is possible, I explained that Cupid is an angel the rest of the year, but transforms himself into a reindeer at Christmastime. The other reindeer can do this too, but they tend to keep on the down-low because they're shy.
When I was about four, our kindergarden teacher told us that there would be a fire simulation in the next few weeks when the firemen would come to our school. I was terrified, because I thought they would set our school on fire to teach us what to do in case a real fire started, and I was unsure whether the firemen would be able to deal with the fire before everything was destroyed.
I used to think when you lost balloons, they would go to balloon land. I thought my balloons would be happier there, so every time I got a balloon I let it go, thinking it would fly to balloon land. And sometimes I'd bring it home, and let it go from my balcony. I began to think as balloons as a separate species. I wanted to send a note along with one and see if the leader of balloon land would write back to me, but then I got worried that an evil balloon might get ahold of it and take my mom to balloon land.
Don't worry, I'm normal now.
when I was 8 I asked my dad if we could go to disneyland, he told me we didn't have enough money for it, so I suggested we go to the bank to get some. Thats when he had to explain he needs to put the money in before he can take it out. This notion seemed like madness to me, I couldn't figure out what the point of it was, though he did try to explain it to me...but at that moment I realized money doesn't magically come out of an ATM machine.
When I was little I was at my grandma's house when my aunt changed my girl cousin's diapers in front of me. I noticed she didn't have a penis and asked my aunt how she peed. My aunt said "it comes out when it needs to" so I thought girls had retractable penises.
Having no understanding of relative weight and lift, as a little kid I was convinced that if you could snag a bird in something like a bag and hold on to it, you'd be lifted along with it when it tried to fly upward. Fortunately, I never had occasion to test this.
You know how cigarettes come with health warnings on the box? Well, one of the warnings used to be "Cigarettes cause impotence", and since I was a kid and didn't know what "impotence" was, I assumed they just made a spelling mistake and meant to write "Cigarettes cause importance". I thought it meant that if you smoke cigarettes, it would make you more important. Which I thought weird, since being important is a good thing.
I saw a lot of Geico commercials. I thought that "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance" meant that the longer you talked on the phone, the more money you would save. If you could keep them busy for 100 minutes, your insurance was free!
My parents got our first computer when I was about 9 and windows 95 was just released. I had no idea what I was doing and was just going through all the random "folders" looking for games. My cousin's computer had Oregon Trail, and this computer was way better so my "Oregon Trail" game must be amazing!
I must have done something wrong and the computer froze up saying "This program has been shut down due to an illegal operation." I FREAKED OUT and unplugged EVERYTHING from the computer... The power, the screen, the keyboard, mouse, and the printer before hiding under my bed for hours. I was convinced 'they' were coming to arrest me for breaking some law. I remember literally crying that I was going to be taken away in handcuffs.
My Dad had a government job and he used to bring home these pens that were stamped "property of US Government".I felt a little odd using them but one day I broke my one and the military police were going to come and arrest me!I had the evidence in my closet and waited.Fortunately they were too busy with the war I thought and spared me.
I used to think that if a child wore glasses, that child was smart. This didn't mean that I thought children who didn't wear glasses were not smart, just that wearing glasses was a reliable indicator. Then, Mary Beth C. got glasses, and I KNEW she wasn't smart. There went the glasses=smart theory.
On my first day of school we did a practice fire drill and where taught how we should line up outside, in front of the school in the event of a fire alarm. What our teacher didn't tell us, however, was that this only applied to school. So...a couple days later when I was at home with my parents, my mom was cooking something when she accidentally set off the fire alarm. I quickly dropped everything I was doing, opened the door and ran outside, expecting that my parents would follow me and we would "line up" in front of our house, just like at school.
When I was 6 I used to think that Cream of Mushroom Soup was actually called "Queen of Mushrooms" Soup. When we were grocery shopping one day I warned my parents not to buy it because if they made too much of the soup the Queen of Mushrooms to lose her mushroom forest. My mom took a can off the shelf and told me to read the label. I felt so silly!
I used to believe that quitting something 'cold turkey' meant that you ate cold turkey instead of smoking or doing whatever else they're trying to quit. I figured that since cold turkey doesn't sound that delicious, they must be so distracted by how annoying cold turkey tastes that they forget about their addiction.
I thought that there were little ant people in my stomach who lived a in a little hut and lived in family units. They dressed like peasants. Their job was to take the food I ate for themselves and make poop to push outside my body. When my cousin told me that if I ate seeds the fruit would grow inside of me, I purposely started eating watermelon seeds to reward the ant people for their hard work.
When I was little I thought birds were having important meetings when they sat together on the telephone wires.