the best beliefs ever
I used to believe that a funeral organist was the person who collected the body parts of the dead
I used to think that "explosive diarrhea" was when you pooped actual explosives, like nitroglycerin or whatever.
I used to think that if you were scared "half to death" that you only had one scare left before you died.
I used to think gravy was made in graveyards.
I used to believe that when television channels when they would sign off at night play the American anthem and say please stand by , I would get up and stand by the television .
I thought the tip jar at the restaurant was so people could give the chef cooking tips for how to cook better.
I thought you could get toffee from mixing tea and coffee.
When I was about five or six, my mother and I got into a taxicab and the driver said, "Where do you want to go?".
I thought he was talking in general, so I said, "New York!"
Note: I was living in England at the time.
When I heard the song "Oh Susanna" as a very little kid I was very confused about the verse about coming from Alabama with "a banjo on my knee".I literally thought it meant the guy had limped a long distance with a banjo tied or strapped to his knee, which must have made his knee really sore and raw! My belief in this idiotic idea was further confirmed by my grandmother who for some reason didn't think it was very Ladylike to play a banjo.When she heard me singing the song ( we learned it it school) she commented sharply that she hoped she would never see me with a banjo on my knee.I quickly agreed with her.Who wanted to do anything as stupid and painful as to strap a banjo on my knee and go hiking to another state until my skin rubbed off? It was several years before I figured out the actual meaning of the song and the snobby attitude behind Grandmother's comment.
As a child I believed that toilets were alive. When you used them, you were feeding them, and if they didn't like what you fed them, they'd vomit it back up (overflow). If you made them angry, they would eat you, so you had to be nice to them and not make them sick. Stranger-toilets (e.g. public restrooms) were especially untrustworthy - best to keep an eye on them at all times.
I also believed that they would detach from the wall and dance around the bathroom at night when no one was around. You couldn't normally catch them at this, because they'd go back to being inert as soon as they heard you coming, but if you closed the bathroom door and then quietly crawled up to it and looked under the bottom, you could see this happening.
I convinced my little brother that bubbles were your possible futures and once you popped them, they were destined to happen to you. I told him that the reason you see a tiny version of yourself in them (your reflection) was because that was the future you but that I could see really well and only I could make out what they were. I would blow a bunch of bubbles and say there were a bunch of different futures in them sand watch him excitedly pop the ones that I told him were really good. Sometimes when he was acting up I'd tell him one of the bunch was bad and then watch him pop and bubble and shout "oh no! Not that one!" But then after he'd freaked out about whatever bad future I said would happen, tell him the next bubble undid it. Some of his bad futures were getting bad grades in school, growing up ugly, losing all his teeth, or just getting trouble for what he might have done that day. But the future that made him really lose it and meltdown was that he would fall in love and get married. For some reason that future was utterly unbearable to a five year old.
I used to believe that fireflies went to sleep for the night as soon as it got dark. Or at least that's what I was told, probably so I would go inside. It wasn't until my 20's when I was hiking with some friends at night and saw fireflies that I expressed out loud, 'Wow, I can't believe these guys are out so late.' It got quiet and at that point I realized...
Before I was born my parents had a "painter" paint a mural in my room of angels. For some reason this marvelous painter painted a bunch of little angels with 6 fingers on each hand. As I grew up I thought it was a common known fact that all Angels had 6 fingers.
In Sunday school, we sang "Lord of the Dance" and I thought it said that "he danced for the tribes of the Cherokees". I had no idea what Scribes and Pharasees were.I was singing it this way one time, and someone asked me if I was Mormon.I wasn't, and was very confused.
I used to believe there were numbers called "onety" and 'twoty." I thought "twoty-nine" came before twenty.
when i was little i thought the word "prostitute" meant "prosecutor" and in seventh grade i was on the bus and I yelled really loudly HEY JAKE ISN'T YOUR DAD A PROSTITUTE!
Not directly related to Santa Claus, but when I first heard of Cupid from classical mythology, I immediately thought of Cupid, one of Santa's reindeer. I figured they must be one and the same, since they're both mythological figures who can fly. When asked how this is possible, I explained that Cupid is an angel the rest of the year, but transforms himself into a reindeer at Christmastime. The other reindeer can do this too, but they tend to keep on the down-low because they're shy.
When I was about four, our kindergarden teacher told us that there would be a fire simulation in the next few weeks when the firemen would come to our school. I was terrified, because I thought they would set our school on fire to teach us what to do in case a real fire started, and I was unsure whether the firemen would be able to deal with the fire before everything was destroyed.
As a kid, when a person was described as being prima donna, I assumed they were saying pre-Madonna. I thought how cool she must be that the arrival of Madonna was used to describe people as either cool or lame.
I used to think when you lost balloons, they would go to balloon land. I thought my balloons would be happier there, so every time I got a balloon I let it go, thinking it would fly to balloon land. And sometimes I'd bring it home, and let it go from my balcony. I began to think as balloons as a separate species. I wanted to send a note along with one and see if the leader of balloon land would write back to me, but then I got worried that an evil balloon might get ahold of it and take my mom to balloon land.
Don't worry, I'm normal now.