the best beliefs ever
You know how cigarettes come with health warnings on the box? Well, one of the warnings used to be "Cigarettes cause impotence", and since I was a kid and didn't know what "impotence" was, I assumed they just made a spelling mistake and meant to write "Cigarettes cause importance". I thought it meant that if you smoke cigarettes, it would make you more important. Which I thought weird, since being important is a good thing.
I saw a lot of Geico commercials. I thought that "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance" meant that the longer you talked on the phone, the more money you would save. If you could keep them busy for 100 minutes, your insurance was free!
My parents got our first computer when I was about 9 and windows 95 was just released. I had no idea what I was doing and was just going through all the random "folders" looking for games. My cousin's computer had Oregon Trail, and this computer was way better so my "Oregon Trail" game must be amazing!
I must have done something wrong and the computer froze up saying "This program has been shut down due to an illegal operation." I FREAKED OUT and unplugged EVERYTHING from the computer... The power, the screen, the keyboard, mouse, and the printer before hiding under my bed for hours. I was convinced 'they' were coming to arrest me for breaking some law. I remember literally crying that I was going to be taken away in handcuffs.
When my sister and I were little, my dad told us the cows on the hills were "Hill Cows" and that two of their legs were shorter than the other two so if they stood on flat ground they'd fall over.
When I was a kid I always thought the lunch lady had had brain surgery. I could only see the line of her hair net and assumed it was a scar.
My Dad had a government job and he used to bring home these pens that were stamped "property of US Government".I felt a little odd using them but one day I broke my one and the military police were going to come and arrest me!I had the evidence in my closet and waited.Fortunately they were too busy with the war I thought and spared me.
I used to think that if a child wore glasses, that child was smart. This didn't mean that I thought children who didn't wear glasses were not smart, just that wearing glasses was a reliable indicator. Then, Mary Beth C. got glasses, and I KNEW she wasn't smart. There went the glasses=smart theory.
On my first day of school we did a practice fire drill and where taught how we should line up outside, in front of the school in the event of a fire alarm. What our teacher didn't tell us, however, was that this only applied to school. So...a couple days later when I was at home with my parents, my mom was cooking something when she accidentally set off the fire alarm. I quickly dropped everything I was doing, opened the door and ran outside, expecting that my parents would follow me and we would "line up" in front of our house, just like at school.
As a kid I read the line "won't stick to most dental work" on the side of chewing gum packages. I thought dentists must use special paper in their offices that wouldn't allow gum to stick to it.
One time when i was 4, i went to my Grandma's pool and put on these orange goggles. Because they covered my nose, i assumed i could breathe underwater. You can guess how that turned out...
When i was about 4, i had heard about inches and knew they measured how tall you were, but i hadn't heard anything about feet, other than the ones i walked on, of course.
One day, an old friend of my mom visited. She hadn't seen me for a while and said "wow, your growing up. Youve grown another foot since i saw you last!" I began to panic and desperately looked at my feet. Then i looked at my moms friend and angrily accused "your lying, i still have 2!"
When I was 6 I used to think that Cream of Mushroom Soup was actually called "Queen of Mushrooms" Soup. When we were grocery shopping one day I warned my parents not to buy it because if they made too much of the soup the Queen of Mushrooms to lose her mushroom forest. My mom took a can off the shelf and told me to read the label. I felt so silly!
I used to believe that quitting something 'cold turkey' meant that you ate cold turkey instead of smoking or doing whatever else they're trying to quit. I figured that since cold turkey doesn't sound that delicious, they must be so distracted by how annoying cold turkey tastes that they forget about their addiction.
I thought that there were little ant people in my stomach who lived a in a little hut and lived in family units. They dressed like peasants. Their job was to take the food I ate for themselves and make poop to push outside my body. When my cousin told me that if I ate seeds the fruit would grow inside of me, I purposely started eating watermelon seeds to reward the ant people for their hard work.
When I was in grade school we had a history lesson about the Civil War and Reconstruction. The teacher told us the United States had split apart and then after the war the Southern states had to rejoin the rest of the country. I thought she meant literally split apart. I imagined people using big boards to nail the country back together.
When I was little I thought birds were having important meetings when they sat together on the telephone wires.
I was about 4 years old on a boat trip round a harbour when the tour guide pointed some big old ships moored at the side of the harbour explaining that the boats were "being run with just a Skeleton Crew". I turned to my dad an exclaimed,"Eugh, imagine having to step over all those dead bodies"
I once asked my dad why the police can't catch the robbers since the stripey tops, black masks and swag bag give them away. Obviously all burglars where this attire all the time!
For the longest time, possibly even into adulthood, I thought that cart with one wheel and two handles that workers sometimes use to wheel around anything from dirt to crap to cement mix was called a wheel barrel instead of a wheelbarrow. Strange how no one corrected me during all the times I had talked about wheel barrels. Then one day I found out, I had innocently been going through the dictionary when I made a shocking discovery, I was like WTF is a barrow?!
When I was 4 I overheard my mom talking to my dad about a doctor's appointment she had. I asked her if she was going to see Dr. Pepper, as I believed this was the only doctor there was.