the best beliefs ever

When I was little I was at my grandma's house when my aunt changed my girl cousin's diapers in front of me. I noticed she didn't have a penis and asked my aunt how she peed. My aunt said "it comes out when it needs to" so I thought girls had retractable penises.

Coyote (from body functions : weeing and pooing)

Having no understanding of relative weight and lift, as a little kid I was convinced that if you could snag a bird in something like a bag and hold on to it, you'd be lifted along with it when it tried to fly upward. Fortunately, I never had occasion to test this.

Anon (from animals : birds)

You know how cigarettes come with health warnings on the box? Well, one of the warnings used to be "Cigarettes cause impotence", and since I was a kid and didn't know what "impotence" was, I assumed they just made a spelling mistake and meant to write "Cigarettes cause importance". I thought it meant that if you smoke cigarettes, it would make you more important. Which I thought weird, since being important is a good thing.

Anon (from bad habits : smoking)

I saw a lot of Geico commercials. I thought that "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance" meant that the longer you talked on the phone, the more money you would save. If you could keep them busy for 100 minutes, your insurance was free!

Anon (from grown-ups : work)

My parents got our first computer when I was about 9 and windows 95 was just released. I had no idea what I was doing and was just going through all the random "folders" looking for games. My cousin's computer had Oregon Trail, and this computer was way better so my "Oregon Trail" game must be amazing!

I must have done something wrong and the computer froze up saying "This program has been shut down due to an illegal operation." I FREAKED OUT and unplugged EVERYTHING from the computer... The power, the screen, the keyboard, mouse, and the printer before hiding under my bed for hours. I was convinced 'they' were coming to arrest me for breaking some law. I remember literally crying that I was going to be taken away in handcuffs.

Joe (from science : technology)

When my sister and I were little, my dad told us the cows on the hills were "Hill Cows" and that two of their legs were shorter than the other two so if they stood on flat ground they'd fall over.

Sara (from animals : general)

When I was a kid I always thought the lunch lady had had brain surgery. I could only see the line of her hair net and assumed it was a scar.

Anon (from school : teachers)

My Dad had a government job and he used to bring home these pens that were stamped "property of US Government".I felt a little odd using them but one day I broke my one and the military police were going to come and arrest me!I had the evidence in my closet and waited.Fortunately they were too busy with the war I thought and spared me.

Anon (from the law : police)

I used to think that if a child wore glasses, that child was smart. This didn't mean that I thought children who didn't wear glasses were not smart, just that wearing glasses was a reliable indicator. Then, Mary Beth C. got glasses, and I KNEW she wasn't smart. There went the glasses=smart theory.

Anon (from school : classes)

On my first day of school we did a practice fire drill and where taught how we should line up outside, in front of the school in the event of a fire alarm. What our teacher didn't tell us, however, was that this only applied to school. So...a couple days later when I was at home with my parents, my mom was cooking something when she accidentally set off the fire alarm. I quickly dropped everything I was doing, opened the door and ran outside, expecting that my parents would follow me and we would "line up" in front of our house, just like at school.

Silly! (from at home : around the house)

When i was a child i absolutely HATED sports and physical education. Now, my mother had told me about the Vietnam war and how there was a draft and any male over 18 could be called upon to fight and if they refused, they would be imprisoned.
So when i heard there was an NFL draft and an NBA draft, i thought it was the same idea, with the draftees selected at random amongst the general populace. I was so scared that when i turned 18, i was going to be selected and i would be forced to either play major league sports or rot in prison.

scottyrobot (from the world : sport)

As a kid I read the line "won't stick to most dental work" on the side of chewing gum packages. I thought dentists must use special paper in their offices that wouldn't allow gum to stick to it.

Sandy (from language : reading)

One time when i was 4, i went to my Grandma's pool and put on these orange goggles. Because they covered my nose, i assumed i could breathe underwater. You can guess how that turned out...

Joshua (from neighbourhood : swimming pools)

When i was about 4, i had heard about inches and knew they measured how tall you were, but i hadn't heard anything about feet, other than the ones i walked on, of course.
One day, an old friend of my mom visited. She hadn't seen me for a while and said "wow, your growing up. Youve grown another foot since i saw you last!" I began to panic and desperately looked at my feet. Then i looked at my moms friend and angrily accused "your lying, i still have 2!"

Anon (from grown-ups : getting older)

When I was 6 I used to think that Cream of Mushroom Soup was actually called "Queen of Mushrooms" Soup. When we were grocery shopping one day I warned my parents not to buy it because if they made too much of the soup the Queen of Mushrooms to lose her mushroom forest. My mom took a can off the shelf and told me to read the label. I felt so silly!

Sarah (from food : general)

I used to believe that quitting something 'cold turkey' meant that you ate cold turkey instead of smoking or doing whatever else they're trying to quit. I figured that since cold turkey doesn't sound that delicious, they must be so distracted by how annoying cold turkey tastes that they forget about their addiction.

Anon (from bad habits : smoking)

I thought that there were little ant people in my stomach who lived a in a little hut and lived in family units. They dressed like peasants. Their job was to take the food I ate for themselves and make poop to push outside my body. When my cousin told me that if I ate seeds the fruit would grow inside of me, I purposely started eating watermelon seeds to reward the ant people for their hard work.

Anon (from body functions : weeing and pooing)

When I was in grade school we had a history lesson about the Civil War and Reconstruction. The teacher told us the United States had split apart and then after the war the Southern states had to rejoin the rest of the country. I thought she meant literally split apart. I imagined people using big boards to nail the country back together.

Buck (from school : classes)

When I was little I thought birds were having important meetings when they sat together on the telephone wires.

Leah (from animals : birds)

I was about 4 years old on a boat trip round a harbour when the tour guide pointed some big old ships moored at the side of the harbour explaining that the boats were "being run with just a Skeleton Crew". I turned to my dad an exclaimed,"Eugh, imagine having to step over all those dead bodies"

Brian (from grown-ups : work)