sex

I used to believe…

As a young child, the basic mechanism of reproduction was explained to me, but not in detail, and I thought that testicles were what were "ejected" (whole) into the female's body, which sounded painful, and then you grew another one in its place.

I was a young pre-med so I knew the mechanics of sex, but I thought Mom & Dad stood naked in the bathroom & Dad inserted his penis in Mom's vagina. Those kids' anatomy books don't mention that sex is fun!

I was in Grade 7 and we were learning about internal injuries in our First Aid Class. The symptoms were:
Headache
Persistent pain in the abdomen that does not go away
Vomiting/vomiting blood
Passing blood (Like when you pee)

A day later, I woke up with a headache and stomachache, they didn't go away. When I went to school, the stomachache got so bad that I threw up, so I had to go to the nurse. I found some blood in my underwear and in the toilet. So I was convinced I had like punctured my stomach or something and told the nurse so. Except then she told me I got my period. Huh. Imagine that. And the worst part is that I knew everything about getting your period, so it's not like I was clueless or anything.

I used to believe…

When I was little I went to this basketball game and I bought some sticky food and there were no napkins so when I went into the girls bathroom and saw that it said napkins I was happy and so I asked my parents for a quarter and so
I Bought a napkin and I was like " These napkins are weird."

I used to think that the woman's private area was called a "va-CHINA" and I imagined people in China lived in little teepees that looked like upside-down giant va-CHINAs. What else could explain that word?

I used to believe…

In explaining to me (a 5 year old boy) why women can have babies, my mother explained that boys have a pee hole and a poo hole. Girls have a pee hole, a poo hole, and also a baby hole. For years, I imagined that the baby hole looked just like the poo hole and was right next to it.

I used to believe…

My wife thought that, in order to give birth, the woman would have her head cut off, and the doctor would sew it on after the delivery. Since the neck was the only "hole" that would be large enough to pass a baby through, this seemed to make sense to her.

I used to think that only married couples could get pregnant and have a baby together.

I used to believe…

When I was little (5 or 6), I asked my mom how she 'made' me. After many futile attempts to get it right, I said, "Did you swallow daddy's pee-pee in your mouth?" I never got a straight answer, so I went for years thinking that women had children by drinking their husband's pee.

I used to believe…

When I was fairly young I knew about sex, however not the vagina (I thought there was nothing there), for a long while I thought penis + breasts was sex and somehow it made a baby that came out of a woman's behind.

I remember sitting on my bed, reading a magazine, when I saw a tampon ad. I sat there for the longest time trying to figure out where it went. Because the ad said 'odor absorbing,' I thought it went on your armpit. That was just one theory.

I used to believe that spermatozoa was like a tongue that came out of the urethra into the woman's vagina, aggressively knocking loose an egg which actively charged it into generating a fetus. I used to believe it would then retract back into the shaft of the penis, pulled by the winding of a spindle inside the body cavity. Something akin to an emergency fire hose.

I used to believe…

When I asked my mum where babies came from, she told me from the chemist (pharmacy). I believed her until I watched a kids TV show about pregnancy, and the next opportunity babies came up in a conversation (at a dinner party), I asked the same question, got the same answer then explained in great detail how babies were made, and what birth was like. I was 7, and that was the last time I was allowed at the dinner table until my teens!

I used to believe that girls are only allowed to be call virgins.

I used to believe…

When I was about four, my cousin and I got caught playing "Doctor" so my mother told me that girls had teeth "down there" and if you stuck your finger or penis "down there" it would get bitten off. Well that was my mother's form of contraception. It wasn't until I was 14 when a girl seduced me and I was afraid because I didn't want to get my penis bitten off, so she showed me that girls did not have teeth "down there". My first reaction was; no wonder look at the shape her gums are in.

I remember believing that sex was a very rare festivity, like the marriage of princes and the Queen's birthday, to be broadcast on TV, or that they were actually the same thing. I assume this is due to my brother telling me he was watching a rerun of Lady Di's wedding (this was only days after the 'real' ceremony), when he and a couple of his pals were of course actually enjoying a porn flick.
I distinctly remember having arguments with other kids, who claimed that everybody had sex. I staunchly defended the position that only the royal family did it.