sex

I used to think that period blood was going to be blue because in the commercials in which they do an absorbency test comparing two different brands of sanitary napkins they use water with blue dye in it.

when i was about 5 or 6 my friend jason (who was probably about 10 or 11) i told me that condoms "stopped women having babies" when i asked him about one that was lying in the gutter.

for a good few years this explanation was interpreted by me as meaning that pregnant women used condoms to stop themselves giving birth by inserting one into their vagina and the condom somehow "catching" the baby. i thought it made sense, ie. if they were out shopping and having a baby was inconvenient, pop one in, problem solved.

When I was younger, I wasn't aware of the thrusting part of sex or the orgasm. I used to think the man just put his penis in the woman's vagina and let it stay for as long as they wanted.

One day in the elementary school playground some other boys and I were drawing in the dirt. With a certain amount of pride, I drew a penis -- I don't recall what term I used at that age -- and drew it like my own, uncircumcised.

The boy I was playing with scoffed and told me I'd drawn it wrong, and drew a penis presumably more like his own -- circumcised.

I was shamed and believed I was deformed.

When I was younger, I overheard my older sister and a friend call a girl a lesbian. Being a curious seven year old, I naturely asked what a lesbian was. My sister's friend told me straight-faced that a lesbian was a short person.
The next week at soccer practice, I got into a little spat with a boy on my team. He was much shorter than me, so I called him lesbian. He looked at me very surprised, then ran to our coach yelling that I had said a curse word! My mother had to explain the real meaning to me after that.

When I was around 10 my mother walked in on me mastrubating and let out a loud gasp. She ran out of the room and I, not sure what had upset her, went after her because I was worried. She proceeded to give me a long lecuture about the fact that "mastrubation" was perfectly natural, saying that she was glad I was mastrubating because it meant I was normal...I kept wondering why she was talking to me about this.
it wasn't until 20 minuites into the discussion that I figured out the "mastrubation" was the word for what I had been doing.
Before then I thought mastrubation was called "riding" and that it was called that because you were boucing up and down like you were riding a horse. Natuarally, I thought that's why people liked horses so much, and why women were always dreaming about riding off on a white horse with their knight in shining armor.

For the longest time, I thought that you got AIDs by mixing blood with people. So when I'd watch movies where they'd cut their hand and become "blood brothers" or something like that I would be so confused why they wanted to get AIDs

I asked my older sister what a thong was and she said
"undies that go up your butt"
SO I imagined that it was underware with a pole on it that you would stick up your asshole.
Believed this one until high school when thongs got popular: why the heck would people WANT to stick poles up their butt?

When I was a wee one in grade school, I thought a blow job was when someone would blow into another person's ear. So did all of my friends. So one night when my parents were going to take us to the movies and let us sit with our friends so we could be "cool" and not have parents with us while they went to a grownup movie, my mom told us "Now, I don't want you to sit in the back!" I said "Yah! Cause that's where everybody is giving eachother blowjobs!"

The look on her face was truly memorable. She asked us what we thought a blow job was. When we told her, she said that wasn't it. When we asked her what it WAS then, she said we'd have to ask our dad.

The look on HIS face when we swarmed him as he got home from work yelling "Dad! Dad! What's a blowjob? Mom said you'd tell us!" was even better.

But bless the man, he managed to explain it to us without blushing too much, including the follow up questions. We all agreed that it was pretty dang gross!

i was absolutely certain that when you when a guy had an erection, sperm would ooz out continuously until he orgasmed, meaning that he had no more sperm left. When I was in high school and fooling around with my first boyfriend I was positively astounded when this wasn't so. So I interogated him and felt like an idiot.

when i was about eight or nine, my father sat me down and told me the facts of life. he explained how sperm, from his penis, would fertilise the woman's egg by passing through her vagina into her reproductive system ...

on saturday mornings i used to climb in bed with my parents; they were wearing pyjamas, thankfully, but i used to climb under the bedclothes to see if i could see any sperms, crawling and moving like trail of ants, from one side of the bed to the other ...

I used to believe that sex was only for reproduction, and that condoms were a way to prevent AIDS without preventing conception. A filter would let the sperm through, but not the virus.

I found a box of condoms in a bag my parents had brought home from the drug store. I confronted Mom about it, demanding to know which one of them had AIDS and why they wanted a new baby anyway.

She told me the condoms were a joke gift for their friends and didn't correct any of my confusion.

When I was 7 or 8, my first real exposure to the concept of homosexuality came to me by watching the movie "Norman... Is That You?" on TV, starring Redd Foxx. Somehow, I got the idea that Foxx's son was worried his father would think the son was gay, when really he wasn't, he was just the "real man" in a relationship with a gay man. In other words, I thought that gay men were men who wished they were women, and so they liked straight men; and because of this, a straight man could be in love with a gay man, but not be gay himself.

I know. That's what you get from learning life lessons from TV.

I used to think that "outie" belly buttons were really tiny little penises, and "innie" belly buttons were miniature vaginas. I thought that the real equipment was only used for the bathroom and it was really the belly buttons that were involved in sex. So, since I have an innie, I was always afraid to hug my friends with outie belly buttons, even if they were girls, 'cause I didn't want to get pregnant.

I thought that women would sometimes get pregnant spontaneously. This was because our babysitter was a single mother, and I couldn't quite work out how she had a baby if there wasn't a husband living in the house at all times. So I figured that once in awhile, though not often, women reproduced by themselves.

I happened to be very very shy about sex even being a boy. A friend of mine explained the whole "process" to me when i was half way through my teens, 16. Still, I ended up having the concept that babies were born from "behind". I always thought that girls were the most courageous of creatures to give birth to large babies, when I used to ..err.. shit!!

When I was 16 and my stepmother was 34, we were talking about a man who was proud of having eight sons. She said, "That's nothing to be proud of -- it just depends on which testicle the sperm came out of." She thought the girl sperm came from one and the boy sperm from the other. I was stunned.

When I was little, I thought If I wore my mother's bra to bed, I would wake up with big breasts. Much to my surprise, when I woke up the next morning, there was no change. I was puzzled.