sex

When I first got my period, my friend and I were talking about this new experience. We thought that you were fertile during your period, and only then. We wondered, "Why would anybody ever want to have sex? Wouldn't it be messy? What man would ever like that?"

When I was about 9 or so, there was a neighbor girl who "had" to get married. I didn't really understand what the meant at the time. I was told by a friend that she was going to have a baby. I told her that that was impossible. You had to be married first to have a baby. In my young mind, marriage definitely came first. It was *impossible* to become pregnant without marriage.

At the age of six, after seeing an afternon soap opeara and the crying actresses, I became stressed out and convinced that pregnacy was a disease that you could catch like a cold and that there was nothing you could do to avoid it.

I am probably the last virgin bride in the history of my family. And I grew up in a very protected and rigid Catholic family, so I really didn't know very much about sex in general, and the opposite sex in particular.

When I was a sophomore in college, one night after "lights out" we all gathered in one girl's room to talk about sex. One of the girls said she'd actually seen a naked man, and described his parts in great detail.

THe first time I ever saw an adult naked male was on my wedding night. And I was astounded. I asked my husband why his penis didn't have "concentring rings of hair." He looked at me and laughed and laughed and wanted to know where in the world I picked up that strange notion. I told him about the night in the dorm and said "Mary Francis (not her real name) said that's what men looked like." For several years I thought that there was something wrong with my husband because he didn't look like the dorm-room conversation had led me to expect.

When I was in 4th grade, I got to stay overnight at a classmate's house. Her big sister--who was in 6th grade and therefore a font of information--told us about where babies come from.

She said that the man and woman take off all their clothes, get into a bathtub together "and the woman rubs the man's 'thing' until it foams and foams. It fills the bathtub with foam and then they take the foam and rub it all over the woman's skin. And she becomes pregnant."

I actually believed this for a few years.

When I was 12 I stayed over at my mates house. Her little brother was 7.

In the afternoon her mom came back from shopping, put all the groceries away, and left all the toiletry stuff in a plastic bag ready to put upstairs. My mates little brother rushed in from outside and had fallen off his bike. He had a big graze on his forehead.

his mom had popped around to see a neighbour, so when he asked where the plasters were, we told him to look in the plastic bag on the stairs.

He did look a prat with a sani pad stuck to his forehead as he went back outside to play with his mates......

classic comedy moment.....

When I was small, I always thought kissing was intense sex.

At age six, my mum made a bit of a mess of explaining the birds and the bees to me. I asked her if you could get periods anywhere and she said yes. Of course rather than thinking that you could get them in any place that you went, I thought you could get them in any part of the body. Every nose bleed or cut on my knee was a potential period for the next two years until sex ed put me straight!

In fifth grade, I had seen a condom in its packaging, where it just looks like a ring. For quite a while, I thought a condom just fit on the base of the penis (like a ring on your finger) and somehow shot invisible rays that kept any sperm from coming out. It wasn't until I bought one and opened it that I realized the non-scifi truth.

I was told the "facts" of life by a mother who believed that if I was told about sex, I would immediately take up the hobby (at the ripe old of 9, if I remember right) so my introduction to the subject was sketchy at best. Until I was well into high school, I believed that, just as a woman ovulated every so many days, a man only got an erection once every so many days as well. So, I did the math: if I ovulated once every, say, 30 days, and my future husband (heaven forfend I have premarital sex!) would get an erection once every 20 days, our "paths would cross" every 60 days; ergo, we could only have sex once every three months and each intercourse would result in pregnancy.

Guess I was in about third or fourth grade when I heard some boys in my class talking about a "dick." I didn't know what that was, so I asked them, and they told me it was something a dentist puts in your mouth. Along the line I got some conflicting information and really wasn't happy about the idea of going to the dentist for a long time after that.

When my brother was 4 years old he asked my Mother if penises have bones in them. My Mother said, "I don't think so Honey." And my brother said, "I think they do Mom, and I think when they do it's called satisfaction!"

The boy who first told me about sex assured me that babies resulted from the simple act of penetration for six minutes. Being a clever kid, I immediately figured out that longer durations must be the cause of twins, triplets, etc. What puzzled me was how twins and triplets could be so relatively rare if they were so easy to produce.

I was very very naieve child, and my parents never told me anything about sex. So you can imagine my suprise when my best friend told me where babies came from. She told me that adults "bounced and jilted each others bums" and I subsequently made sure my backside was always facing the wall, in case I accidently got pregnant.

I used to believe that you didn't have to have sex to have babies. I thought that when two people got married, God sent them a baby if they asked for one. My friend shattered my illusion when, at a wedding, she told me that the couple had to "do it" twice a week to have a baby. I was appalled! And to think I was twelve years old believing this!

A friend used to tell me that oriental (Asian) women have a horizontal vagina. I never figured out if he really believed that or was teasing because I was hanging out with an Asian girl at the time.