sex

I used to believe…

My friend Lauren was totally misinformed about periods. We were talking about puberty one day, and I told her about my friend who'd been on her period for a few years. Lauren was like, "What's wrong with her?" I was like, "Huh?" And she then proceeded to explain how girls only had their period for one year after they started. (Mind you, she was 10 at the time and already knew about sex and everything.) Anyhoo, I told her that no, girls had their periods until they were about 50-60. Lauren argued that her mom didn't have a period and she was only 35. Then, out of nowhere, Lauren's 16 year old brother (who had been listening to our conversation all that time) said, "Yeah, well, mom's had a few operations." An embarrassing way to find out, but at least Lauren now knows the truth before she starts her periods.

I used to believe…

Once, I was in a theatre production of the Sound Of Music. We had microphones, and the mic packs (the square-shaped part that connects to the actual mic with a wire) weren't picking up sound right. So they started putting condoms on the packs to help the sound quality. Well, we had a five year old in the show, and she came up to me, holding the condom from her microphone, and said, "What's this?" I deliberated for a minute before saying simply, "it's a special microphone pack cover." Poor little girl! Years from now when she sees a condom again, she'll think it's a mic-pack cover!

I had overheard a kid in school talking about naming his cat Boner and I had no idea that the word had anything to do with the male anatomy. I had assumed he named his cat after some famous motorcycle rider or wrestler and because I liked this kid I decided imitate him and name my new pet frog Boner. My mom gave me the weirdest look when I told it's name and I didn't find out why until 3 years later. It doesn't help that I had written Boner on the back of all of photos I have of my frogs.

I didn't know the difference between a penis and testicles, but I'd heard of "balls," so I thought penises looked basically like a bunch of meatballs stuck together in a row. When I was eight, this came up in conversation with a male friend - I drew a picture for him and he laughed hysterically and then drew me an accurate picture.

I used to believe…

When I first found out about sex, my dad didn't specify the location of the vagina. Because of this, I thought it was a dent that appeared in a woman's chest when the woman became aroused. I also thought that at the end of sex, you exploded, but I wasn't completely off. Orgasms are like that.

I used to believe…

Me and my brother would play "House" when we were little. First we'd have to give birth to the babies. I used to believe that babies just grew inside you when you reached a certain age and that they grew in your stomach. When your stomach was so full of baby that you couldn't eat anything, you pooped the baby out.

I thought a condom was made of hard plastic and shaped exactly like the penis, not soft or floppy like a deflated balloon. Consequently, I wondered, how do guys get them to fit exactly right?!

I used to believe…

When I was a kid for some reason I considered that a period is something you have only on daytime. No one had explained to me about the nights. So when I got my first one at the age of 11, I used a pad until the bedtime and then simply threw it away. And, of course, woke up with a big surprise in my bed!

I used to believe…

So I didn't really understand the difference between jacking off and jacking around until the day my junior varsity baseball coach asked me to go tell some of the guys to "quit jacking around over there." I shouted the message over to the guys at the top of my lungs but got it a little jumbled. Lots of laughs at my expense.

I used to believe…

When I was little and I asked my mom to explain where babys came from she compared the pain of birth to pooping a watermelon. For a long time I thought that babies were born through the anus. I got realy confused when I saw an episode of a sitcom when a woman was lying on her back to give birth, I thought it would smother the baby!

i used to believe that when people had sex, they didn't get completely naked. since anatomically, they only had to take off their bottoms, they never took off their shirts. I think I got this from a book: it was talking about someone who didn't really know how babies were made, all she knew was it involved getting naked "from the waist down"

I'm not sure where I picked it up, but I used to believe that the word "ejaculation" was just another term for a coughing/sneezing fit, or shivering.

So one day in grade three I burst out hacking and the young female teachers goes "Liam, are you okay?"
and I said "Don't worry, I'm just ejaculating."

Another time it was extremely cold in my room so I went downstairs and said, "Mom, could you turn the heat on? It's so cold in my room that I started ejaculating."


God.

I used to believe…

When I was eight, I sort of knew what "gay" meant. However, I could never figure out how two gay men could have sex. After thinking for a while, I concluded that the men would stand naked facing each other with their erect penises, and proceed to slap them together. In my mind's eye it would be a different version of a clapping game and they would sing a sort of rhyme to go along with the act.


I've been exposed to fanfiction and now know better.

I used to believe…

When I was very little I would occasionally shower with my mum. I figured out quickly that she didn't have a penis, but couldn't quite figure out what was in its place. Her labia didn't close the whole way, however, and I was absolutely convinced that what I was seeing between them was her poop as it made its way to her bottom.

I used to believe…

My dad always told me that when i was born, my parents picked me out from the "milk river," which I imagined to be just a river of regular dairy milk. Only until 8th grade did I tell my friends and soon after realize the dirty meaning behind it by their reactions! XP

I was around 5 or 6 when the President Clinton/Monica Lewinski scandal was occurring. I knew that oral meant involving the mouth
so for a while I thought that oral sex was talking about sex, so I didnt understand what the big deal was