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sex: rude bits

1,308 beliefs

the best of rude bits

I thought making out meant trying to see something (because of how people say "I can't quite make that out" or whatever)

— Bootlebat

When I was little, instead of getting the 'sex talk' my mum gave me a brief overview and then gave me a book on the subject. I read the word vagina as 'virginia' and for many years I felt very sorry for girls called that because it was a supposedly 'dirty' word (I was a very puritanical little kid).

Years later I found out the real way of pronouncing vagina, but when I was about eleven in a class presentation on sex for some reason I mispronounced it again as Virginia. Took me a long time to live that one down...

— X

Until he was a bloomin' nine year old, my cousin believed that his penis would fall off one day. So, thinking he was hilarious, my uncle, during a family party, dropped a chicken sausage (the cocktail type) on the pretty clean floor, and went, "Oh my God! (Inserts cousin's name), that's your dick, ain't it?" My cousin instantly burst out crying, as my uncle casually picked up the sausage and ate it.

He's 12 now, and I think he's still afraid of losing an important part of the male anatomy, since he takes only a minute (literally) to enter the toilet, pee, wash his hands and exit.

— Liz

My husbsand told me that when he was younger he thought girls and boys had the same "parts" but the only difference was, that the girls own was really really small, so he used to laugh at them (to himself) about their small "parts". How funny is that! (LOL) I still pick on him about it!

— Q

When I was a kid, I believed that if a girl wore boys' underwear, she'd grow a penis. Actually, that belief was only TRULY refuted a few weeks ago, by my (female) friend who likes to wear Batman Underoos....according to her, she's been wearing them for years, and still hasn't noticed anything growing down there, so it *must* be safe, lol.

— Emily

one day in school we were learning about sandwich toppings. later that day i went out to eat and was surprised to see one of the the toppings we had learned about-sprouts. i wanted to point it out to my parents so i said oh look sperms!

— sky

Like many men I started getting erections while I was still young. As a child, this scared and confused me and, for some reason, I used to believe that if you poured water on it, it would shrink back down. I don't know how I came up with this.

— Bruno

I used to think that a mans penis was shiny, bit like a sausage skin only found out it wasn't when i saw someone's on the net when i was 13. How dumb can u get lol?

— way too embarassed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My brother and sister are two years apart, my sister being eldest.
When my brother was being potty-trained, he could not understand why my sister had a much easier time of it.
one of these times [which they are teased mercilessly for] my sister patted my brother on the back and assured him.
"Don't worry, it'll fall off someday. Mine did!"

— Smart Sibling

I grew up a tomboy, surrounded by mostly guy friends. One day in middle school, I got hit in the crotch by something and I exclaimed, "Ow! Right in the nuts!" My mom had to explain to me (after she stopped laughing and could breathe again) that I didn't HAVE nuts.

— Allegra

pick of the bunch

when i was a child and i heard that penis's had heads on them i envisioned an actual little head on top of a penis!! i was mortified!!

— the man who sat on elvis's knee

A long time ago, when someone would say something about someone "loosing their marbles", I thought that they were refering to their testicles, because I used to call them marbels after my mom said that calling them balls was rude.

Anon

pick of the bunch

I used to think that the scar on my penis from circumcision was a ring of dirt. So, in the shower or bath, I would vigorously try to clean it off, to no avail!

— Greg

I used to believe that vaginas were actually called puttycats becuase that was what my mom would call them.Later when I found out the real name,she told me she would call it a puttycat becuase when she was little she had underwear with Sylvester from The Looney Tunes on it,and when people would come over her house she used to point to her underwear area and say ,"Look at my puttycat".

— Christina

As a young child, the basic mechanism of reproduction was explained to me, but not in detail, and I thought that testicles were what were "ejected" (whole) into the female's body, which sounded painful, and then you grew another one in its place.

— hottubguy

pick of the bunch

I used to believe having sex would make your genitals explode/fall off.

— SFMF

I used to think that the woman's private area was called a "va-CHINA" and I imagined people in China lived in little teepees that looked like upside-down giant va-CHINAs. What else could explain that word?

— JC

In explaining to me (a 5 year old boy) why women can have babies, my mother explained that boys have a pee hole and a poo hole. Girls have a pee hole, a poo hole, and also a baby hole. For years, I imagined that the baby hole looked just like the poo hole and was right next to it.

— JC

When I was about four, my cousin and I got caught playing "Doctor" so my mother told me that girls had teeth "down there" and if you stuck your finger or penis "down there" it would get bitten off. Well that was my mother's form of contraception. It wasn't until I was 14 when a girl seduced me and I was afraid because I didn't want to get my penis bitten off, so she showed me that girls did not have teeth "down there". My first reaction was; no wonder look at the shape her gums are in.

— Ridgetopboy

pick of the bunch

I used to believe that girls had only one hole for both peepee and, you know, the vagina.

Anon

I used to think that each testicle had its own sack. For real. I even asked the first guy I had sex with if his was normal. Hes my husband now, and he loves to tell that story.

— oopsy

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