rude bitsShow most recent or highest rated first.
I babysit this little boy (about 5)and he was looking at my chest one day. After staring for a few awkward moments, he said, "What are those cushions on your chest?" "Well they're things only girls get." "You mean I'll never get them...." He then looked very dissappointed. "I want them, becuase I fall a lot, and they would make it hurt less. Accept I would DEFINETELY want mine to be bigger than yours." I tried acceptionally hard not to laugh.
I used to believe that any room with the sign PRIVATE on it was full of private parts. Even though I wasn't too sure what they would look like, all strung up with no people attached to them.
When I was little, I used to take baths with my little brother. I thought his penis looked like my mom's lipstick so I asked him why he stole it and attached it there.
He told me he didn't know.
After walking into a bathroom to find a man with an erect penis in there (doing what, I dont know), I ran out, terrified, convinced that this man had a hairy elephants trunck sticking out of his crotch area, possibly, I wasn't sure, with two little beady eyes on the end if it (must have seen the one little hole and imagined it as two)!!!! Even though I had already seen male 'parts' before, they had just been of other little boys my age, so it looked rather different. I was convinced that when boys grew up their willies morphed into rock-hard elephants truncks which were alive, with eyes and a mind and consciousness of their own!
Ahhh, my first boner. I remember waking up in the wee small hours of morning because somthing had felt weird to me. It twas then when i noticed i had a erect penis and not knowing what it was and completely terrifed i punched it. As it sprung back up a joilt of pain surged through my body resulting me screaming at the top of my lungs awaking family members.
I used to get the words "vagina" and "Virgina" mixed up. This later led to an incident in the 3rd grade when the teacher had called upon me to name the 50 states and I my reply went something like, "Alabama, Alaska, Arizona... Utah, Vermont, Vagina..."
I got a citation for that.
I remember one time when I was about 14 years old I was taking one of those purity quizes online with a friend who was 16 and a girl (I being a guy). She started filling it out and reading the questions out loud. When she came across the question "Have you ever shaved your pubic hair?" she clicked yes and moved on. Well, I didn't know what the word pubic meant so I thought they just misspelled public hair (like as in the hair on top of your head) I immideately asked her when she did that because I had never seen her bald before. She started beating the crap out of me because she thought I had been spying on her. By the time I explained myself I had already earned my very first black eye.
Growing up, I only knew that my penis was called my "pee-er". So, that's the way I referenced it with my son (who was 4).
One day, on vacation in Florida, we went to a site to watch fireworks. They were being shot off the end of a very long pier which seemed endless while walking on it. I made mention of this saying: "Wow, this is a very big pier!" My son's response was: "Just like mine, right, dad?!"
When I was in elementary school, I learned from a classmate that gay people are men who have sex with each other. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how that worked and somehow came to the conclusion that it involved dueling with penises. I didn't learn of my error until well into middle school, and to this day when I think of gay people penis dueling is the first thing that jumps to my mind.
in 5th grade my childhood sweetheart asked me if I had puberty, I at the time didn't know what it was so I told him I got puberty for Christmas.
When I was Little (like 3) i assumed that everyone had a vagina. Well one day at my babysitters all 5 of us were changing into our bathing suits to go in the pool.their was only one boy at my babysitters so she had us all change in the same room. I noticed that he was diffrent than the rest of us,Causing me to go home later that day saying hey mom Jake has something hanging out of his vagina.
When we were little, my sisters and I would call our vaginas "pinkies," as in "My pinky is down there." Well, I don't call it "pinky" anymore! Imagine my surprise when I heard a schoolteacher say, "Use your pinky [finger]. . .!"
My father didn't realize I was sitting in the living room when I was age 5. He opened the bathroom door naked, saw me, and sprinted for the bedroom. All I saw were a bunch of fleshy things bobbing up and down. For years I thought that men had 3 penises. I used to wonder if they could only urinate out of one or if they could pick which one to use!
I went to a museum and saw a statue of a naked man, then I saw a book that had a picture of a reproduction of the same statue, only there was a leaf over his cock. I thought that they made a different version of it for some other kind of guy. So until I was 11 I thought that some men had penises that were shaped like maple leaves.
Up until the age of about 11 or so I had only a rough idea of boys' private parts, I knew about penises but had no idea that testicles existed. Therefore when I saw the boys in their trunks at school swimming lessons I thought the bulges in their groins were the effect of rolling up their penises!
when I was about 6,I walked in my parents bedroom.Dad was sleeping and his Penis was hanging out the fly of his boxer shorts.I had never seen one before and ran out of the room screaming to my Mom that there was a snake on Dad's shorts.
For those of you in the States, and growing up in the 70's, you should remember Elvira. Well a friend of mine told me her "boobs" were fake. From then on, I would sit real close to the TV amazed becasue they looked so real... Later on, I realized, yes they are fake, but not in the way I thought...
When I was younger, maybe five or six, I remember watching Seinfeld, and hearing Jerry tell Elaine that he had "tricks" he did with his penis. I took this to mean that he could swirl it around and make it jump and stuff... This misconception wasn't helped by the fact that while snooping in my stepmom's room, I found a dildo that did similar "tricks" .....
I used to believe that every penis had a name. I always called mine Edward. For some reason I thought that if you were a boy, your mother would choose a name for you and your penis (dunno whaer I got that from) So when i was little and I heard the name Edward, I thought people were talking about my penis!
When I was about eleven years old, I used to read a whole lot of the manga Sailor Moon before it came out in America. I couldn't help but notice that the characters had extremely long and beautiful shiny hair. I liked it especially when they twirled around in their sparkly glory, the rainbow colors swirled around them, and their hair flowed in the wind. Of course, my hair was nowhere near that long, and I felt like a bum next to the characters. One day, me and one of my best friends were playing Sailor Moon. I was always the character who had the shortest hair (Ami/ Sailor Murcury) This made me mad after a while, so my friend made a "magic potion" that would make my hair grow as long as Sailor Moon's floor-length hair. The stuff consisted of raw eggs, grass, out-door onions, milk, saurtcraut, and whipped cream. It smelled awful, but I was determined to get my wish. Little did I know I was about to go through a little thing called puberty. Of course the "magic" didn't work, and terribly dissappointed, and me my friend didn't talk about it in a couple months. A few months later, I noticed that I was sprouting hair on my privates. I thought I was the only person in the world that this happened to, I got scared stiff. I thought that this was the doing of the "potion" my friend made for me. Later, I went to a restaruent with my family and friends, and when they asked me what was wrong, I busted out in tears and screamed, "Katy made hair come out of my vagina!!!!!!" In front of everyone. I spilled out my entire story to practically the whole restaurant in hysterics. Afterward, my mother (and everybody) just started to laugh as if they were going to choke, and I don't think I had been more embarrased in my life. Nonthless, Im still a HUGE anime fan!!!--- I was so stupid when I found out the truth.