sex

When I was a child, I thought masturbation was a credit card. So my mother and I were checking out at a grocery store, and the cashier asked her for her credit card. I responded with "Yeah mom! Get out your masturbation card!".

I meant MasterCard. Heh...

Lydia

When I was about 8 a friend at school told me that sex was when a man pissed inside a woman. I confidently told him that this was rubbish and informed him that the man sprayed semen inside the woman and that semen was a kind of milk

Anon

Lacking a strong religious background, I somehow convinced myself that "adultery" was the same thing as sex. I couldn't understand how Mormon people could adhere to the 10 commandments and still have so many children if they weren't allowed to have sex. To help explain this dilemma, I decided that the man must ejaculate into a syringe (no needle attached) and squirt it into the woman's vagina. Sexxxay.

Elizabeth

When I heard my brother describe a man and woman's reproductive organs as the hot dog and the bun, I developed a picture in my mind that that's how a man and a woman had sex: The man's penis would just lay on the outside of the woman, like a hot dog in a bun.

Kaylee G.

I used to believe that you could only have phone sex in a phone booth.

I think that this was because I saw some article about it, and there was a picture of a phone booth or something.

So whenever someone would talk about having phone sex, I would imagine it being late at night, and them sneaking off to a phone booth to call someone for phone sex.
I thought this was riddiculous since we all had cell phones...

Ches

When I was little, I believed that there was many different types of sex and that the main one was getting naked and rubbing your butts together, I thought this was just something adults did for fun, I didn't know the actual purpose for it.

Anon

When I was little, I saw a field full of lemon-yellow flowers and asked what it was. My grandpa told me it was rape (rapeseed, now known as canola). Being the good farm girl I was, I later asked my parent what rape was used for. And being the honest man my dad is, he explained it to me in terms of our dairy goats. I was one confused kiddo until I told him about the field of yellow flowers. My mom about died laughing.

Kansas

I used to believe that lesbians and gay men dated eachother-my powers of logic were highly developed but unfortunately I was still muddled. I thought that lesbians were women who wanted to be men because they wanted to date girls, and gay men were men who wanted to be women so they could date men-so naturally, a lesbian would seek a gay man, in my eyes. My mum set me straight before the whole homosexuality thing could turn into insults for my classmates.

LoopyLooLoo

When I was little my mum said that If I played with my self in the nether regions, it would fall off. One day I was out in the fields with my friends, and I needed to pee, but when I tried to find my fella I thought it had gone. I ran home crying, and told my mum that it had fallen off because I had been playing with it too much. When she looked it had in fact just got caught up in my underpants (Y-Fronts).

MarkyPants

when i was pretty young, my father told me that anyone who masturbated would have their boobs fall off. fast forward a couple of years to sex ed (6th grade) where we could write anonymous questions to have them answered. it wasnt until the teacher read "is it true that if you masturbate your boobs will fall off?" and everyone, teacher included, started laughing, that i realized my dad was a big fat liar

destiny

I used to believe that sex had been invented by some dirty-minded people, and that it didn't exist before the 1920s.

misslicorice

when I was 10, a friend of mine explained me that in order to have sex you should introduce the penis in one of the many holes women had.
For many years I thought women had like 20 holes and always asked myself wich hole was the correct one and that you should pee inside her in order to get her pregnant

Anon

I WAS A CURIOUS KID WITH VERY OPEN MINDED PARENTS SO I ASKED MOM IF SEX HURTED. SHE SAID THAT IN FACT IT COULD HURT REAL BAD THE FIRST TIME IF YOU DIDN'T DO IT RIGHT AND YOU WEREN'T WET ENOUGH. IMAGINE HOW MANY TIMES I WONDERED HOW MUCH WATER I WAS SUPPOSED TO POUR ON MY PENIS TO KEEP IT FROM HURTING!!

W

When I was young someone at school had heard of a head job and we were all wondering what it was. I knew that a nose job was plastic surgery on your nose so we assumed a head job was plastic surgery for your whole head.

Anon

hahahaha this is a good 1! when i was about 8 i heard my mum and dad making funny noises at night and i started to get worried so i phoned the doctor up and told him about it and once i had explained it to him he laughed and told me not to worry about it. i felt so stupid when i found out that they were having sex!!!!!!

misunderstood 8 year old

My belief is one simple and wide-spread among youngest children: I believed that after I was born, my parents never had sex again. Oh, no - but unlike other kids, this, I could verify.

From infancy to adolesence, due to a very strong fear of aliens abducting me in my sleep, ghosts killing me, and other such things, I slept in my parents' bed. Obviously, if I was in the bed with them, my parents couldn't do anything, right? End of story. No hanky-panky there.

I blissfully went on believing this until the age of sixteen, when my dad dropped the bombshell: when he and my mom wanted to..."get it on", for lack of a better term, they would slip me NyQuil to make sure that I slept the night in my own proper bed and wouldn't interrupt them!

He told me this when I was behind the wheel of a thousand-pound SUV, too. He was lucky I didn't cause an 18-year pile-up.

A Tylonol Girl From Now On

I used to believe that my parents had tickle fights in their bedroom. I would hear giggles and of course tickling was the most likely reason for excessive giggling. I was nearly an adult before it occurred to me that they may have been having other sorts of fun.

Anon

for the longest time, i thought that the man and woman had to breathe together(like, inhale and exhale into each other's mouth at the same pace) for the woman to get pregnant. why?...

when i was in kindergarten, we went to a chicken farm. we were going to hatch eggs so we took a tour of the farm. when the lady giving the tour talked about the chickens "breeding," i thought she said "breathing." i was only five!!

Ruth

I didn't understand what being homosexual was. I knew that gay guys wanted to be with guys and lesbians wanted to be with women, So i figured if a guy was gay and a woman was a lesbian they could still hook up.

KG

when I was little, about 4th grade, I thought that when a guy had an erection his penis turned colors...lmao

peanut