the law: criminals

When I was 10-12 and the world news would talk about "Software Pirates" or "a person was arrested for pirating computer software" I thought they seriously meant the pirates from the seas and I thought that the pirates from the boat were planning to steal videotapes, software or music.

I used to believe that "Prosecuted" meant "Executed". When someone said they were prosecuted, I thought they were gonna die.

I was only 3 or 4 when the OJ Simpson trials were going on. When my parents were talking about it, I started crying because I thought they meant our orange juice got arrested!

When the news were talking about death or jail sentences, I thought that they were writing complete sentences about jail and death.

I overheard a conversation while at primary school in which a boy told that people could get locked up for being too rich. As I was only around the age of 6, I believed this for a few years.

Until the other day I believed that 'kerb-crawling' [picking up prostitutes in a red-light district] was the offence of driving too slowly and too close to the kerb [sidewalk], therefore making all the traffic slow down...how wrong I was!

I used to believe that drinking, literally drinking like, anything, not just alcohol, while driving was illegal. I also thought that smoking ciggarettes while driving was illegal. I didn't find out about the drinking part untill I was in the car with my mom and saw her take a sip of coffee. I told her that she would get arrested and she explained it to me. I was about 8.

When I first heard the news about person jailed for assault and battery, I thought they were throwing batteries at someone and the victim's eyes got blind from battery acid.

When the news were talking about statutory rape, I thought that they were raping a statue. Also I used to believe that statutory rape was something about a person who rapes a statue and they were arrested for public nudity.

I used to get very upset seeing reconstructions of crimes. I could never understand why instead of stopping the armed robbery/kidnapping/murder some heartless sod had just videod it instead. I was far too old to admit to before i understood the difference!

I used to see newspaper stories about people being arrested for keeping/being in "disorderly houses." I used to think they were guilty of poor housekeeping, not gambling or prostitution.

When I was younger there was a 50 year old man jailed for 60 years. I thought that if he died after 30 years, his body was kept in the cell for another 30 years.

when i was a little girl our next door neighbors were robbed. for some reason i believed that all day every day robbers were hiding in the woods around our house waiting for us to leave so they could rob us. i would never want to leave. if i had to i would either leave messages or blow on the window and write things like "go away. don't rob us. love, katie" after a while i started feeling bad that they had to wait out there all day and night so i would sneak food out to the front porch for them. i would sit in the middle of the woods and talk to them but they were hiding. i thought i could be their friend and they would feel bad and go away. finally i just left one of my plastic vending machine rings on the porch, thinking they would be content with that and go away and rob someone else.

When i was little I thought that drinking and driving ment you can't drink while you drive. Well duh?! So one day we were driving in the car the whoel family and my dad was driving drinking orange juice. I was freaking out in the back seat! Wispering to my sister and telling it was illigal. Finally i got some nerve to tell my mom in the front seat, and she just told me to shut up. Then after told me what it really was.

When I was about 9 or 10 and first heard of "hookers", I thought they were women who hung out just about anywhere and snatched unsuspecting men that passed by with shepherd's crooks, didn't learn the truth for several years after, even after watching Pretty Woman.

When I was little, I thought every family had its own lawyer because people said "I'll contact MY lawyer" or "I'll have MY lawyer look it over." After all, we had OUR house, MY OWN bike, etc., that belonged to us/me exclusively. Only I couldn't figure out where the lawyer was kept or how each family could afford one.