criminalsShow most recent or highest rated first. Common beliefs in this section include:
At age 6 or 7, I'd occasionally go around the house and gather various things -- shampoo, washing up liquid, cooking oil, food colouring, that kind of thing -- and then bottle some up in a bizarre-coloured mixture, with a label to the effect of "Burglars: drink this!".
We never had any trouble with burglars, so it must have worked.
When I was little I found a little bit of broken (clear) plastic that was shaped very roughly like a little diamond. While I was smart enough to realize that it had no real value, I still put it in a clear display box, placed prominently on my dresser in my room. I did this in the confident belief that if a robber broke into our home, he would take it believing it to be valuable, and possibly leave after grabbing it, thereby saving my mom's genuinely precious jewels.
The question of why a robber would believe it was a diamond when an 8-year old kid knew it was plastic was never an issue for me. Clearly, I was a genius, and robbers must be much dumber.
when I was little, I loved George Michael's Careless Whisper. I used to believe that the line "guilty feet have got no rhythm" meant that you could find a criminal by making him dance, and if he couldn't dance, he was guilty.
when I first came to this conclusion, I excitedly told my dad that I'd found a new way to solve crimes.
I used to believe that jay walking was walking naked on the street.
Ever since the age of 2 I read everything that I could get my little hands on: medicine bottles, Ajax cans, outdated newspapers, ANYTHING! One day I was crawling under my parents bed when I noticed a tag hanging from the mattress. It said "Remove this tag under penalty of law". In an uncharacteristic fit of defiance, I snatched the tag off. Then, fearing that the police were coming to get me, I hid in the closet for hours. Nothing happened and I finally crept out. But I looked over my shoulder for years, feeling like a felon, waiting to be arrested. It was only when I turned about 18 did I discover that the tag was meant for mattress dealers, to prevent them from selling used items as new for health reasons. But I finally felt free after over 15 years. What was I thinking!!!!
Oh, around age six and anyone would talk about cat bulgerors, I thought it meant cats that would rob you. So every now and then, I'd make sure our cat (snickers) wasnt trying to rob us. (My parents really started to wonder) And at night, I would make my parents keep my bedroom door shut so snickers wouldnt rob me.
Once I misplaced my GI Joe box (had about 30 gi joes) and swore up and down that snickers had robbed me when I was asleep.
Needless to say, I had slid it under my bed, and snickers wasnt to blame at all =\
When I was younger, I thought that stores that displayed Help Wanted signs were encouraging people to help criminals wanted by the law. I always felt very roguish shopping at these stores.
I didn't realize that the signs meant that the store was hiring until I was about 10 years old.
Until I was nine or ten I thought Jack The Ripper was a dude who went around ripping pages out of people's books....
Yeah, my mom laughed.
I thought that serial killers had serial numbers like products did so the cops could identify them easier.
I used to have a black and white striped shirt I was terrified to wear, because in cartoons, all prisoners wore black and white shirts.
I figured if I wore it and a policeman saw it, he'd think I'd have escaped from prison and would make me go back.
I honestly was terrified to wear it to school or anything.
I was very confused by the idea of money laundering. When I was little, my mother always told me to empty my pockets of spare change before putting my dirty clothes in the laundry. I watched a lot of crime movies with my father as a child, and I thought I had to take the coins out to not commit money laundering, which was a serious crime. I later learned as an adult that money laundering had nothing to do with the actual wash, and my mom only wanted to avoid the coins rusting the washer, not saving me from federal prosecution.
I used to think a con artist was someone who painted pictures in prison.
If we were on vacation and staying in a hotel, I thought it was illegal to eat at the restaurant in another hotel. If we weren't staying in any hotel and just decided to eat out at a hotel restaurant nearby, it was still illegal, but not as bad. on vacation it's like betraying your hotel.
When reentering the lobby of our own hotel, I would hide the kids' menu I'd kept from the other place so the receptionist wouldn't see that I was breaking the law.
On the way to my grandparents lake-house my aunt would always point out the large prison on the left. There was large red and white flagpole out front and I never looked past it, because I believed the flagpole was the prison (and thought it was a faraway tower). I wondered how they fit all the bad guys on top of each other.
I used to belive that the black market was a flea market type place, where all criminals whould go to do thier evil shopping.
When I heard on TV that someone would get sentenced to "Life plus 20 years" in prison I thought that after they died their dead body would have to still be in the cell for that number of years before they could be buried.
I used to believe that kissing was illegal until you were married, and that movie stars got special government permissions.
I thought a contract killer was someone who kills people who break a contract
When I was little, my grandfather used to tell me that if you ever got sent to jail, the only thing they would let you eat would be birdseed and Coca-Cola. I believed this for years and was terrified that I would get sent to jail if I was bad in any way, and I would sit and contemplate how they could possibly make people survive on just birdseed and Coke! I believed it for a long time until I finally found out the truth. Although I am proud to say I've never been arrested for anything :)
when i was little i thought the word "prostitute" meant "prosecutor" and in seventh grade i was on the bus and I yelled really loudly HEY JAKE ISN'T YOUR DAD A PROSTITUTE!