toilets

I used to believe…

Until I was in my teens, I believed that a monster lived in the toilet, just past where you can't see. When I flushed, I would make a run for it before it reached out for me.

I used to think that a manhole cover led down to this little room where three guys were playing cards. Then, when someone flushed the toilet, their turd would come down the delivery chute, a bell would ring, and the guys would argue about who's turn it was to take care of it.

i used to believe that if you sat on the toilet in a storm the lightning could come up through the pipes and get you. I thought that it was the same as when adults would say don't talk on the phone in a storm. Apparently not.
But i remember being terrified to use the toilet during a storm.

I used to believe…

My older brother told me there were special animals that lived under outhouses. According to him, these animals lived mostly on toilet paper but occasionally they leaped up from the darkness and bit a child's behind.
I'm 42 now and to this day, outhouses make me a bit nervous.

I used to believe…

when I was in grade school, about 4th grade, maybe younger, I heard someone talking about a monster in the toilet. I don't know who it was but for the longest time I would flush the toilet and run away, never staying in the room after it had been flushed. Aparently the monster could only get out if you flushed it.

I used to believe…

When I was wee, my grandmother had me believe the Tidy Bowl Man (from the television commercials) lived in the toilet tank. (Not the bowl, this man was GOOD!) I never saw him, no matter how many times I looked in the tank.

I used to be afraid to go to the bathroom at night, because I was absolutely convinced that there was a man hiding behind the toilet with a gun who would shoot me if I went at night. My mother used to think that there was a man who lived in the toilet who would reach up and grab you at night. Surprisingly, we're both almost normal now.

I used to believe that the spider in our loo ate big juicy strawberries. I brought it one every morning and when I went back in the strawberry was gone. This was when I was 5, I have now found out that my gran removed the strawberry every morning. Devastated!

I used to believe…

When I was a child, I thought if you were sat on the toilet, doing a 'number 2' and reading a magazine, if the magazine article had a photo of a celebrity looking out, then their face would appear in the toilet bowl beneath you looking at your bottom. Put me right off going to the toilet.

Weird, I know...

I used to believe…

when i was young, i used to believe that straight after i flushed the toilet snakes would come out of the wall, and attack and eat me. therefore i used to sprint out of the toilet as fast as i could.

I used to believe…

There was a time when I was around 8, where I read of some exotic spider in South America that hid in outhouse toilets and proceeded to deliver FESTERING DEATH through repeated noxiously poisonous bites to your exposed, turdy bottom. Regardless to the truth of this story, I have lived my life continually looking between my legs on the porcelain throne. I still do.

i thought that the toilet was a direct link to hell. so, at the grocery one time, i asked mom for some fruity pebbles. she must have been in a mood b/c she replied, "when people in hell have ice water." i spent that whole afternoon pouring pitchers of cold water down the toilet for the poor thirsty people! and so i could get some fruity pebbles.

I used to believe…

My sister was terrified after watching television commercials for a cleaning product called "Tidy Bowl". In the commercials, a tiny guy in a boat rowed around the toilet, cleaning the ring from the bowl at the water's edge. She feared that the "Tidy Bowl Man" would appear while she was on the commode.

I was so scared of the flushing noise (especally at night) that I would rush out of the door as soon I has had pulled the chain. This was associated with a recurring dream (quite underserved!) about an aunt who once surprised a family Christmas party by bursting in unnanounced. As I hadn't seen her before (1947-ish) she seemed to assume an evil persona, though this was NOT the case, but for years aftereards I had recurrent dreams involving her as the villain.

PS: Not unassociated with another recurring recurrent dream in which a coal fire appeared as a blue flame *descending* from the chimney. I called it in my private language: "fire-blaze-up".

I used to believe…

When I was a kid I was afraid to flush the toilet for fear that a flushing it would let a shark come up. My brother suggested putting the lid down before I flushed it, or I could slam it down after I flushed. That way the shark would hit its head and go away.

I used to believe…

When I was younger, my mother used to tell me that if you used the public rest stops (like the ones on the interstate highways) there would be people in the stall next to you and they would take a razor blade and slash your ankles while you were on the toilet. I am 24 now and I still to not use the bathrooms at rest stops when I am traveling. Thanks, Mom!