the law

When I was a kid I used to look out the side of the car trying to find the cops hiding in the bushes and trees because my mom told me that cops would hide so that you can't see them when they use the radar gun.

From the time I was about 6 until I was about 20 I believed that it was illegal to cut the tag off of a pillow and that as soon as I did the police would knock on the door in a matter of minutes to take me to jail

When I was in Kindergarten we were using gluesticks and for some reason I decided to smell mine. Obviously a little confused about "huffing glue", a classmate of mine informed me that because I had sniffed glue I was going to die. The teacher had to call my mom to pick me up because I was so hysterical and when it was time for bed I had both my parents stay in my room with me. It's not easy facing your own mortality at 5 years old.

On the way to my grandparents lake-house my aunt would always point out the large prison on the left. There was large red and white flagpole out front and I never looked past it, because I believed the flagpole was the prison (and thought it was a faraway tower). I wondered how they fit all the bad guys on top of each other.

My mother never got her licence until recently, when I was a child I thought my mum didn't drive because it was illegal for women to drive. I used to say it's not fair I wish I could drive and my parents just thought I meant I wished I was old enough to drive so never set me straight. Sometimes if I did notice a woman driving I would think she would get arrested.

When I was little and I'd hear on the news about someone receiving "life plus ten years" or two life sentences, I could never figure out how that worked. If someone died and still had ten years to serve, I thought they would leave their dead body sit in the cell for ten years to finish the sentence.

I'd heard people talk about letter and legal size envelopes on TV, but I didn't know what it meant. I figured that all the envelopes we sent were the "legal" size, because the other size was "illegal."

In elementary school, I sat in a presentation about drugs and alcohol. For the first time, I learned that sniffing markers was a form of inhalant. I had sniffed a marker before, and I secretly believed I was a hardcore drug addict and that it was only a matter of time before I spent my life in prison.

When I was younger I saw an ad on the TV warning against drinking and driving. For a while, I thought that "drink-driving" meant drinking alchohol while driving.

When I was really young, I used to believe that the Speed Limit was actually called the Speed Lemon and I just thought that there was a lemon in the road that you couldn't drive across.

When I was little, my mom told me it was illegal and dangerous to drink and drive. I believed that drinks included juice boxes so every time I was in the car drinking my juice box and a police car passed, i lowered my juice box so the police wouldn't see.

When i was a kid the D.A.R.E. officers came to my school and were telling us all about drugs, and when the cop got to the part about how dealers often give you free samples to get you hooked, I raised my hand and told him I knew that was wrong, because my parents were always complaining about how much pot costs these days...so yeah, the cops came by the house that night, luckily my folks were fresh out, apparently they had just put out their last joint. I had no idea pot was illegal until that night.

My sister used to tell me the FBI warning at the beginning of movies meant that I couldn't get up at any time during the film. She kept this up until I was 11. I still don't get up as a force of habit now.

I am 27. When I was 17 or 18, my now Father-In-Law convinced me that seeds from marijuana could be popped in the mircowave to make "pot-corn". I tried it and found out otherwise.

i used to believe that when i saw the signs "Speed Limit Radar Enforced" it meant that, at the police station there was a cop looking at a really big radar screen of the city, with blinking lights for each car and could tell which ones where speeding and would then use the radio to call someone out to stop you.

When I was a little girl, about 5 years old, I believed drinking any beverage in the car was illegal. If we would get into the car and my dad would bring a Coca Cola or something, I would ride in silent fear that the police would get us because my dad was "drinking and driving".