grown-ups: family

I used to believe that after my mom had put me to bed at night she and the rest of my family would just up and leave never to be seen again. I could always hear them talking but I thought they had made a tape recording of their voices to trick me.

When I was little my father was obviously taller than me. Therefore, when he wanted to talk to me face to face he would squat down. I thought this was a game, though, and I would squat too. It took years for me to realize my dad was just trying to talk to me with no intentions of a game.

My dad works on a minesite, which means flying there, working for two weeks and then being home for one. My little brother was certain when we dropped Dad off at the airport he got on his plane and flew around and around the moon for two weeks until we went to pick him up again.

I returned from a visit to my grandparents when I was 7, and my family came to pick me up from the airport. My dad had shaved off his beard and mustache and cut his hair short, but nobody had told me. I thought my mom had a new boyfriend! It was about three hours before someone called him by name and I relaxed and believed it was really my dad after all.

I believed that after my parents put me and my sisters to bed in the evening they would have a big party downstairs with all their friends. This is why they wanted us to go to bed so early.

My dad used to tell me he had blue blood like the queen. As proof he would point to the bright blue varicose vein on his arm and say, "See." For years I not only thought my dad's blood was actually blue but I believed I was somehow related to the royal family.

I used to believe that babies weren't actually "alive" because I knew that I couldn't remember anything from when I was a baby, so I just assumed that little kids and babies wouldn't remember anything. I asked my younger brother once, "are you alive? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Whenever we drove by the flashing red light from an antenna my dad said it was taking a picture. He always told me to smile. I use to smile for years until I figured it out. Still whenever I think about it when I see one I laugh snd still smile.

I used to believe that 'estranged' meant 'to become strange' and always wondered why women became strange after leaving their husbands, because they always said "so-and-so and his estranged wife".

This lasted until my mid-teens, sadly.

One day I was six years old. My dad told me that superman and the invicible man and superman came to my home in the afternoon. So he recorded is own voice with a taperecorder pretending he was superman and the invicible man. telling me to do my homework and be nice to my parents and grandparents. The next day I told the story in school and everybody was like woooow they came to your home. I was really scared that they would come back whenever I did something wrong. But now after 22 years I know it was him.

I used to think that my parents were aliens and I would block their thoughts by holding my breath. My mom looked at me al red-faced and asked me what was wrong and seemed to care, so I didn't think she was an alien anymore.

I used to believe that Grandmother's were not allowed to drive. This was due to the fact that neither on of my Grandmother's drove. I was always wondering when my mom was going to have to give up driving.

When me and my brother would try and tickle my dad he would go i wouldnt do that if i were you your brother mortimer tickled me once and you dont c him around!!! I believed we had another brother untill i was like 7

I used to believe that my mother had been eaten by gremlins and that the gremlins wore thier skin and pretend to be my mom and sister. I wouldn't go into thier rooms at night because I thought that the gremlins took off thier uncomfortable human skin suits at night. I thought that if the gremlins knew I was on to them they would eat me. I also thought that if I let my feet dangle off the couch or the bed gremlins would eat my toes.

One time when I was little and wasn't listening to my mom, she warned me to behave or else I would "live with the consequences!" I immediately asked "who are they?" (I imagined that the Consequences were a really mean old couple who lived in a house with no toys and didn't like kids.)

I believed because my Dad and all of his brothers had beards that ALL dads had beards!