grown-ups: family

When I was younger my grandfather and uncle got in a fight and my grandfather got punched in the eye. When I asked why his eye was all swollen they told me he sneezed and his eyeball popped out and had to be put back.

Eavesdropping on a conversation between my mother and grandma, I heard them talking about them babysitting my cousin, Fiona. My Grandma said to my mother "Oh she's so good I could eat her!" damn she got some weird stares from me when I was six

When I was four, my parents told me we were going to collect my new little brother from the adoptin home, we're all adopted in our family, for quite a few years I believedthat babies came from homes

When I was about seven, I put some of my mother's clothes on as a joke, but when Dad called me by her name, I freaked out because I thought that he really did think I was her!

I believed my grandmother would protect me from anything. On her 90th birthday we talked about an incident when I was 8 and was screwing with matches and gasoline and almost burned down the back fence. "You could have caught the house on fire and grandpa had to put it out. I had to tell your mother finally you were basically a good kid, but sometimes did stupid things and not to be mad at you." "Grandma, how long ago did you tell her?" "Last year." I was 40...

I used to believe that unless I slept with my 2 pillows right next to each other, and my 2 smallest teddy bears on top of the pillows, my parents would divorce. I slept that way every night till I was 13! My parents (and 8 smaller siblings) really owe me one! ;)

I used to believe that Mr. Rogers was my grandpa. I blame mom.

I remember that at the time my little brother was born, I thought that you could rent babies from the hospital, and if you didn't like it, you would give it back. I kept asking my mom when we would give my brother back. A couple years later, I found out that babies were not born fully clothed.

WHEN I WAS LITTLE BEING THE YOUNGEST OF THREE MY SISTERS TOLD ME I WAS BOUGHT AT KMART ON BLUE LIGHT SPECIAL AND WHEN I WAS EIGHTEEN I WOULD HAVE TO RETURN TO CHINA

My little sister and I were misbehaving so my mum started peeling off her sunburnt skin and told that us that if we didn't behave she'd take her batteries out.
By golly we pleaded with her not to take her batteries out and we certainly behaved that night.

I used to think that when I went to bed, everyone in the house would wait for me to fall asleep, & have a party. For many years, I'd close my eyes to pretend to sleep hoping to catch them in the act, but I'd always fall asleep. In my pretend-sleep, I'd hear loud noises (from my parents watching TV) & feel really sad. Sometimes, I'd actually bolt out of my room intent on making a bust only to find the party hadn't started yet.

When my lil brother was misbehaving and my mom told him to act like a human being. Then my brother started crying because he thought he was turning into a greenbean!

When I was five I noticed all the childhood photographs of my father and his sisters on display at my grandparents' house, and I thought that they were their other grandchildren, but that they weren't as loved as we were, because their pictures were old and black and white, and they were wearing odd clothes, and we had never met them.

When I was about 3, I began to wonder why my mom would want to spend all that time taking care of me, and thought maybe she was just putting on an act, that she was really a witch and she would eventually come clean and make me her slave. I used to sneak into her room when she was sleeping, expecting to see a black witch hat on her head.

My Mum would always threaten to shoot me if I was naughty. I actually believed that she had a gun and oneday I would make her mad enough to use it.

My mom's brother was adopted, but I'd never actually seen an adoption center. I used to believe that adoption centers were kind of like assembly lines, there would be only babies (that basically looked all alike) and the adopting parents would pick one as they were going by and into another room where other families would look at them. I believed it for a long time until I saw a movie about some kids getting adopted.