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"Hail Mary full of grapes" And "The Fruit Of The Loom, Jesus."
When I was about 7 I didn't really pay that much attention at Mass. One night I heard my 8 year old brother reciting the Our Father to my dad at bed time. I thought he made it up and thought it was cool. The next Sunday we said my brother's prayer at church! I was really impressed!
I used to believe that when I said my prayers, "God Bless..." meant please keep burglars away
When I was little I used to pray for God to put all the bad people in jail. I used to think that bad people flew out of their houses into jail just because I asked.
I used to believe that whenever i prayed on wanted something from God, i had to balance it out with something i was grateful for. I also used to obsess that i had to include every family relatives name in my prayers or they wouldn't go to heaven. Ah, Catholicism.
i used to believe that god would help me find parking spots.
"...Forgive us our just passes, as we forgive those who just passed against us..."
When I was a little girl I heard my Grandfather saying grace. Somehow I got the notion that if you didn't pray "out loud" the devil would steal your prayers!
I used to believe God's first name was actually Peter, and he was just a normal guy really although everyone pretended otherwise. They would accidently let it slip in the last sentence of mass, when everyone was eager to get home: "Thanks Peter God"
I used to believe that if I didn't pray to God every night, and specifically ask that the house not get burned down, that it would catch fire in the night.
Growing up Catholic, I though the entire world was Catholic. I didn't realize there were other denominations til I was 12 and a Lutheran friend of mine was getting confirmed. I said I'd help her study and then found out they don't pray to Mary! The shock and horror and fear!
When I was small, I LOVED peanut butter and jelly. SO, I suppose it was no small wonder that when I was saying my prayers one night, my mother stopped me and asked me to repeat what I had said.
"God is Grape, God is Good," I said.
It has had enormous impact on my theology ever since I discovered that God was not an enormous jar of grape jelly.
Honest. This is a true story.
My sister and I used to cut across someone's lawn on our way to piano lessons. She convinced me it was okay because the Lord's prayer clearly says, "forgive us our trespasses."
My mum thought the Lord's prayer started:
'Our father, Whitchett, in Heaven...'
Thinking it was his postal address?!
I used o belive that if you prayed, with a finger up, not folding, you wouldnt bring that finger with you to heaven
The Lords Prayer goes.. "our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name"... but when we were little, me and my brother and sister all thought it went... "our father who art in heaven, HOWARD be thy name"...
when i was younger i thought that the line in the Hail Mary prayer that says 'blessed are thou amongst women' was actually 'blessed are those who are swimming'. makes sense, right?!
when i was little and saying my prays at night, i used to imagine god sitting in a big thrown in heaven on a cloud, a small table next to him with an answering machine on it. each night i imagined him going though all his prays, and listening to mine.
As an 7 year old Irish Catholic I was used to hearing the 'Hail Mary' But the line "blessed are thou amongst women" sounded like "blessed are thou, a Monk Swimming". At the age of 10 I was taken to a monastry and encouraged to ask questions. My question was "where is the swimming pool" ! I was the talk of the school.
Another Catholic Mass one;
I thought when the priest said “Thanks be to God” he was saying “Thanks Peter God” and that God had another name for thse who knew him well.